THE PARADOX OF BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED BY OUR PARTNER

“Do not take anything for granted—not one smile or one person or one rainbow or one breath, or one night in your cozy bed” Guillemots

If one hand, it’s true we shouldn’t take anything for granted in life, what about intimate relationships?
When it comes to intimate relationships, taking for granted, can be a paradox with a negative connotation.

Be in love or build a strong bond requires work from both parties and however illogical it can be this isn’t what happens many times.

Your partner gives “gifts” as inspiration for you to give more of your time and energy to the relationship but sadly see it as he or she will always be there for you.

No reciprocation will happen.

At this point, “taking for granted” is empathic neglect the needs of the other person which leads us to serious ethical questions.

As human beings, we need to feel appreciated and, not having feedback, in the long run, it can cause distress and discouragement.

More than “paid back” in kind, we need to feel that the other person is genuinely grateful for the vital role we play in their lives.

It’s also important to understand that they need to feel listened, taken seriously, or feel free to talk about frustrations they might experience in the relationship or life.

Being short and incisive they need to feel from us what, so preciously, they’ve given to us. 

Taken for granted can be seen as feeling used exploited cheated, and even betrayed.

How can those feelings be generated? 

Do you remember the courtship period? 

Courtship is all about the promise of true love, compassion, vulnerability, and support.

Looking at our intimate relationships, and admit that more than we wish our responsibility for not putting as much effort into nurturing each other as a good relationship demand is the first step towards success.

Relationships aren’t meant to keep you in a state of “I”  but to move forward into a state of “We”. 

Remember, no matter how well matched you and your partner may be, you need to put all your effort to keep it vibrant and alive. Don’t allow yourself and don’t expect the other person to row the boat alone. You are a team. Be thankful for the things that a person provides to you – energy, time, love, understanding. 

As a final note, I would like to say that the way we behave in our relationships has a direct association with our attachment style love language, and emotional wounds.

Love is to be consistent. Love is to be conscious.

Be your best self!

Love,

Alexandra Santos

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