Most of you may be asking – what is “breadcrumbing”?

The first thing is, don’t make excuses for bad behavior!

Why? When we try to find excuses for bad behavior, we are feeding what we don’t want and not allowing ourselves to explore the right options for us.

“Breadcrumbing”: The act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages to members of the opposite sex, in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort.

Do you recognize this situation? Do you know this occurs in friendships and workplaces?

No matter how hot, no matter how wonderful they seem to be if you want a real relationship and you feel you are ready for it, don’t allow yourself to be on hold for something that might never occur.

As said in a previous article, we all know people now use instant text messages to maintain and start relationships.

The matter of the fact they are just projecting all their insecurities through a screen.

Can we understand that a simple phone call for about just 5 minutes can change the whole dynamic and reinforce bonds in a relationship?

Breadcrumbing it’s an emotionally manipulative tactic to keep you on a hook and somehow dependent on that connection. It can be romantically or even a friendship.

People who practice breadcrumbing have low self-esteem need attention and are constantly in need of validation.

How to spot it and the red flags breadcrumbing friendships:

  • They post every day on social media things without any kind of substance and some personal drama;
  • You can’t understand their behavior;
  • They may “like” everything you do;
  • They want to know everything you and even ask inconvenient questions;
  • You may not realize you are feeding the dynamic until someone warns you;
  • There is something addictive about the connection, and you don’t know why;

What about work places?

  • Your boss drops hints about how good you are but never gives you a promotion, even if he/she promises you that;
  • Promises of a prospective employer about the great things you might achieve if you accept the unknown role;
  • Colleagues start praising you just before they need your help in something and then leave you until the next time;

Are you dealing with breadcrumbing “partner”?:

  • You never know where you stand;
  • The future is a maybe;
  • They are less invested than you are:
  • They are one day warm toward you but the other day completely cold;
  • They disappear without telling you they need to leave but will come back soon as they can;
  • You can’t understand their behavior;
  • You feel like a dinner entrée;
  • There is always a green light followed by a red one;
  • They cancel at last minute with no effort to reschedule;
  • No consistency.

to conclude my article:

You may think relationships and dates are like menu options but, I like and I want to believe, people still need and want real connection.

People who, like me, write real letters, use phone calls and their physical presence to support consistency who they love. People without afraid to cross barriers and give it a “shot” to try and feel love.

Can be out there plenty of fish in the sea but remember that so many romantic opportunities require from single people maturity to handle it respectfully.

I may disappoint you, but real relationships only work with consistency.

Relationships are straight forward because we dance the same “music”. We want somebody who wants us. We attempt to see each other. Attempt to get together. We have a goal. We want to keep seeing green lights. Social media or instant text messages aren’t the vehicles to nurture relationships. It can be used as an extra tool and are just a small piece of what can be done and given to the other person.

Don’t accept less and don’t diminish yourself.

Stand out and show up as a grown-ass adult because it’s the only way to maintain your sanity. Make yourself feel empowered. Call them out!

You are a human being, not a pigeon to accept bread crumbs.

With love,

Alexandra Santos

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