“The world’s happiest couple never has the same character. They just have the best understanding of their differences.”
It’s a fact that in these days we write a lot about the difficulty of finding true love. Several articles out there approach that new technologies have taken the magic of first encounters, and charm dating, and long-term relationships.
We can’t deny the fact that our communications are based on text messages mostly as I said in previous articles. We can’t deny the new generations are very lazy when it comes to love, everyone talks about it, but not all can sustain a relationship.
How many times someone who says wants a relationship run away from it like the devil from the cross when it happens?
We all have so much afraid to love and lose somehow our freedom inside one relationship.
We have afraid, and we believe that “the one” only exists in our dreams.
Unfortunately, just with a search on youtube, you can realize the number of relationship experts that encourage men and women to make emotional games, like:
- Play hard to get;
- Be hot and cold;
- Make him chase you;
- If he doesn’t text you, disappear;
- Don’t show much affection in the early stages of dating;
- Give her the silent treatment because she will chase you;
- Keep dating multiple people at same time;
- Ignore each other to get each other attention;
- After your first date let him text you first;
- The 7 signs you are in a wrong relationship;
- When to have sex with him;
- And so on goes the list.
My question is, what kind of people are we educating? Is this education for love?
You know what? All the examples I gave you are born in insecurities.
We are cultivating the culture of lust, hookup, kittenfishing*.
There is nothing more wrong than thinking that love only comes when two people think alike, and have the same interests. Love born when we accept the imperfections as perfections. When we allow and allow ourselves to use our actual size of “clothing” and “colors” as we please.
Changing who we love is exhausting and a losing battle.
“Patched clothing” doesn’t shine, and for our partners to shine, they need new “clothes” instead of “broken fabrics”.
No one change because we want, or based in manipulatory games, accusations. All these strategies will be a backfire you, and I will explain why:
To someone change their behaviors and attitudes, they have to stop to have a look inside, and understand what’s causing damage in their lives. Use their partner’s shoes and feel their pain and sometimes the “unnecessary drama”.
Not all men or women can access this level of understanding. But who does can be more attentive, and receptive to your needs, stop having some hostile attitudes, and learn how to communicate effectively.
When you don’t like something, think about it first, and then vent your displeasure in a healthy manner way, because your partner always needs your respect and acceptance.
Our peace passes by accepting that each human being has his way of thinking and being, his essence. We all need to be seen by our partners.
Don’t be afraid to lose, afraid to say how you feel and what you want.
Differences are essential to grow and build a relationship with strong foundations.
We all have times where we feel insecure, but that doesn’t mean we have to change the other person to feel safe.
Focus your attention in what you want, not in what you don’t want.
Appreciate the best qualities of your partner and show how grateful you are for their presence.
Be present in your mind that you and your partner are the result of your personality, life experiences, beliefs, convictions, principles, tastes, and interests.
With all these reasons when you have a fight when you think, you want to change something in your partner BREATH and say I Love you!
I love you’ means: ‘Your feelings are important to me. If I’ve upset you, I need to apologize and be aware of my behavior. I’ll be here for you, and you can count on me'” Once you and your partner have exchanged your first “I love you” it’s natural to feel more invested in your relationship, as well as in your boo’s wellbeing.
Love is a choice. Be wise, be you!
With love,
Alexandra
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