Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.” —Charles Dickens

The day to day life obligations, society demands, stress, lack of time, empathy, and affection leads many of us, women, to the emotional abyss. You may face moments where you find it hard to cope with difficulties, and demands, so all you want is a hug or something special to make you feel safe and loved.

During overwhelmed experiences, you might go through periods of disconnection from your partner and your relationship just because you aren’t at the same pace and not dealing with the same issues.

It’s normal. We all experience periods of connection and disconnection periods of more intimacy and less intimacy but, how we reconnect after disconnection is the key.

For this article, I used the Drº Gary Chapman, five languages of love profile, to find out mine and explain to you through my example of how it works.

Just remind you, the five languages of love are:

  • Words of Affirmation;
  • Acts of service;
  • Receiving Gifts;
  • Quality Time;
  • Physical Touch

After answer all the questions, this is my profile score (0-12):

  • Physical Touch – 11;
  • Words of Affirmation – 7;
  • Quality time – 6;
  • Acts of service – 5;
  • Receiving gifts – 1;

Unsurprisingly, physical touch is my primary inner love language, and I can explain one of the reasons why: when I was a baby my mother used to carry me next to her body all-day in one kangaroo baby bag. This close bond and affection were always present in my entire life, and so I apply the same dynamic or gestures into my intimate relationships.

It’s important for me to touch and being touch.

Gallant and Spence (2010) studies have shown that women who have received more hugs from their partners in the past have significantly lower blood pressure levels. Nonsexual physical affection can be one complement way to deal with severe stressful events.

People with physical touch love language display affectionate behavior in public, hold hands while walking, thoughtful touches because it does provide a sense of belonging.

What happens when your primary love language isn’t fulfilling:

  • You try to rescue your others love languages that are mean full for you;
  • You verbalize that you don’t feel loved or something is missing;
  • You start to feel that your partner doesn’t care about you and don’t understand your needs;
  • You withdraw (Which is terrible);
  • Your emotional tank will be empty, and you won’t be able to reciprocate his or her’s affection. At this point, your partner will tell you: “you have changed!”

Understand, this isn’t a simple math equation. It takes a lot of self-awareness and respect for your own and your partner’s needs. May be confused in the beginning, but relationships are this a constant life lesson in movement.

To hurt me is quite simple, push me away physically or verbally, and then the result will be Alexandra inside her shell.

The second love language words of affirmation have a positive impact on me when I have to face tough times. I can recognize the voice of my loved ones miles away, and for that reason, the worst punishment I can receive is the lack of verbal affection from who I love.

My third love language is quality time, and nothing upsets me more than being surrounded by people that are always distracted with something or not being present with me.

As you can see when we get hurt there are multiple reasons and most of them we don’t understand, or can explain.

With this said and because my blog is about love, I want to share one thing with you: When it comes to dating, I always had this idea that to have a successful relationship, you have to have focus.

I don’t believe in the lottery for relationships it can be risky and unfortunately leads to emotional pain. I love one quote I had read recently in one article, saying: “Some men are in love while others sweep streets.” Sweep streets mean, in dating terms, men who want to try every “flower” they see.

My last advice for you is, please find out who you are. Be sure of what you want, and don’t engage in emotional multitasking games because, at the end of the tunnel, you are the one who will get hurt. If you are in a relationship, do your best and be your best because life will thank you and when you look back, you won’t have regrets.

Understanding how you perceive love can help you to attain the results you want for life in general. Don’t be afraid to voice your needs, don’t be afraid to feel your inner self and don’t let others distort the way you see yourself as a human being.

Love is love. Love is respect.

My love for you,

Alexandra

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