© 2019 Alexandra Maria Santos.  All rights reserved

In today’s article, I suggest all of us to have a reflection about the impact of comparison in our intimate relationships. If you want to see a partner disconnecting from you, comparing him or her with someone else is an easy way to erode your relationship, and the bond you have.

Let’s be honest and make things clear our intimate relationships are a stage, where we play the role of healing our wounds. But based on our insecurities and fears, instead of healing, we create more wounds and end up pushing away people that love us.

Can comparison kill your relationship and reduce intimacy? The answer is yes, and I will tell you why.

  1. Inadequacy
    Inadequacy comes along with the feeling of not being respectful and valuable enough. With this said, if you compare your partner with other people less value, you will push your partner away because no matter what he or she do or say, nothing is enough for you.
  2. Discouragement
    Discouragement is defining as your partner is losing confidence and enthusiasm to show you his or her love. Being compared negatively with others, being under a subconscious test all the time can lead your partner to seek respect and value elsewhere.
  3. It’s Toxic
    You should never compare your partner with others because it is toxic. Getting caught up in comparison blinds you to the good things your partner has and the good he or she does to your relationship. Increase the risk to start the blame game, where you lose, and your partner loses and leaves you.

The three points above lead me to the following question:

While you spend time comparing your lover, have you been taking any responsibility for yourself?

Instead of comparing, focus on what you two have. Pay attention to your bond and why you are together. It’s easy to take a relationship for granted.

Before you become pathetic — pleading, begging, literally on your knees, apologizing for everything, offering things that are distasteful to you, promising to be better, just to re-secure your partner’s affection. Or worst pretending you feel nothing, ask yourself why you are comparing your partner and testing him or her. What are your fears?

Do you ever thought that you are comparing your partner as a deactivating strategy to pull away from your partner because you fear intimacy?

Here one link for you understand the deactivating strategy process: https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/deactivating-strategy

Personally, comparisons will drive me away because when they start to evolve, two things happen: 

  1. It gives me the message that my partner doesn’t see who I am
  2. He is scared and doesn’t trust me enough to share his fears and feelings

Love yourself!

Love your partner!

Stop sabotage your life!

Don’t fuck up your relationship!

With love,

Alexandra

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4 comentários

  1. Great article. I am reminded of the Buddha’s saying… how one candle can light the flames of thousands without ever loosing any part of its life. Do you want those flames to wallow in hopeless despair… or to ignite the flames of passion… happiness… love… or the more joyful human experiences. Great article Alexandra. Stay tuned for mine about to release today. Somewhat synchronistic I think.

    Liked by 2 people

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