In this new weekly article, I would like to ask you to analyze and feel yourself with a different lens. If you can, let go of all the judgments and old beliefs and feel yourself. Feel in your body where are your emotions while you read my words.
Let me ask you, what is Emotional Integrity? Did you hear about it before?
Emotional Integrity comprehends you as a human being as a whole of features that allow you to act according to your values and what is right for you, no matter what people say or think. You don’t let social rules restrain your behavior, and you are willing to “kill” old beliefs to achieve personal growth.
What relation has Emotional Integrity and Men’s insecurities? When one man possesses his Emotional Integrity, he doesn’t live his relationships based on fear or in need to be accepted. A man with Emotional Integrity is a partner who can see his woman for who she is and allows her to express her needs and feelings, without taking those expressions as something personal against him.
But what we do with our men every day? We “kill” them. Why? We don’t allow them to express their feelings and who they are as one integral individual. Many men and many women before meeting one stable emotional partner, they had partners who were out of control and behaving without emotional integrity. And this leaves scars.
To be even more concrete and accurate, the new partner, who is stable, will pay the bill like it or not. It’s how things work in relationships. Relationships are also opportunities to heal wounds that we all have.
What is the typical behavior of one insecure man:
- He’s overly sensitive to criticism
- Self-fulfilling prophecy and this is very dangerous because the person who has insecurities let the brain lead the scene to the point, where things will happen
- Trust Issues that lead to abandonment issues. He trust you, but don’t trust you completely
- Suspicious of others motives, believe that people want take advantage of him
- Comparisons to push away their partners, as protection, and defeat the possibility of being hurt hurting their partners.
- He held back the need to call you because he doesn’t want you to see him as needy.
- He will be overly hard on Himself
- He never wants to be in pictures
- Anxiety sexual performance
- Anxiety in general
Men fear being left after expose to their partner how they feel inside. Men fear criticism and judgment, and the truth is society rules “invite” men to be strong all the time, men have to be God’s between sheets, if not, they are probably gay. And this what leads so many men to suicide. Those
fucking old fashion rules that only increase dissatisfaction and paranoia.
The real desire for closeness comes from Emotional Integrity, not from Fear when it comes from fear the relationship between the couple doesn’t evolve.
In a conscious relationship, when partners are committed to growing out from their childhood beliefs and past relationships baggage, new solutions appear.
It’s liberating the act of sharing your emotions and thoughts without judgment. When you full disclose your fears in the front of your partner and you are vulnerable something magical happens.
There is no space and exist clear boundaries for what it is a potential threat to the relationship.
“Great love in relationship is present when there is no fear.“
Healthy women that are living their lives based on their Emotional Integrity code want to feel safe with a man who is emotionally available, honest, trustworthy and authentic. They long for character strengths that they can admire. Healthy women need men who aren’t weak, and for that reason, don’t bend to the whims of others. When he is in his emotional integrity, he is who he is.
Healthy women don’t like drama are against drama. They understand that their man is like museum pieces that can be admire by others, but if it leads to unnecessary drama, the game is over.
When you ask something like you want to spend more time with your partner or his/her attention from your emotional integrity, you are also communicating that you know together you are stronger than when you are alone. It’s authentic.
Your emotions are what you feel, not what you are.
Example: Don’t say I’m angry, say I’m feeling angry, and after that, identify where you feel that anger and why.
If your partner is insecure, look at him or her with a lens of compassion. Insecurities always have a cause, and most of the time has nothing to do with you. Men or women with insecurity traits want to experience real love, but somewhere in their adulthood or childhood, that kind of connection wasn’t there.
Most of these people told themselves a story that love wasn’t necessary, and no one could measure up what they want when it comes to intimate relationships till one day someone appears and gives them one “electric shock”.
After reading my words ask yourself these questions:
- How do you feel about yourself?
- Are you doing things that can sabotage your relationship?
- Did you tell your partner today that you love him/her today? Because instead of protecting yourself, tell them that you miss them and you want them to be close.
My partner, although he has fears, and insecurities took an airplane to meet me more than one year ago. With this simple action, he shows me he has no fear at all. He was acting through his emotional integrity, doing what was correct for him, and at least for me, for us.
Don’t let insecurities blind you, don’t let your fears kill love, and real affection.
Who loves you for real, don’t have afraid of your insecurities, or go through darkest hours.