"Emotional Integrity is having our heart, mind and will unified.  When we are in our emotional integrity we can act without hesitation or doubt.  The phrase of, “my mind says one thing, but my heart says another”, may be all too common in our lives.  When this happens our will is divided and our actions hesitate with conflict of doubt in the mind and emotions. When we are acting from our Integrity, what we could call our authentic self, we don’t try. We don’t’ have a need to try. We just take action. We don’t concern ourselves with whether what we are doing is the right thing.  We also don’t have a need to justify or defend what we are doing to anybody.  This includes ourselves.  The action comes from the heart and is with love, that is how we know it is true. It also comes with humility because we are acting on behalf of love and not for ourselves or a sense of righteousness. Emotional integrity  Words don't corrupt this authenticity with chatter in the mind. There are not many men or women of integrity.  Most people second guess themselves.  When a person with emotional integrity makes a mistake, or fails in their endeavor, they don't judge themselves.  They know  they did their best and the mind does not create an internal conflict with self judgment. This mental conflict is a break from wholeness and love for one's self."
© 2019 Alexandra Maria Santos.  All rights reserved

In this new weekly article, I would like to ask you to analyze and feel yourself with a different lens. If you can, let go of all the judgments and old beliefs and feel yourself. Feel in your body where are your emotions while you read my words.

Let me ask you, what is Emotional Integrity? Did you hear about it before?

Emotional Integrity comprehends you as a human being as a whole of features that allow you to act according to your values and what is right for you, no matter what people say or think. You don’t let social rules restrain your behavior, and you are willing to “kill” old beliefs to achieve personal growth.

What relation has Emotional Integrity and Men’s insecurities? When one man possesses his Emotional Integrity, he doesn’t live his relationships based on fear or in need to be accepted. A man with Emotional Integrity is a partner who can see his woman for who she is and allows her to express her needs and feelings, without taking those expressions as something personal against him.

But what we do with our men every day? We “kill” them. Why? We don’t allow them to express their feelings and who they are as one integral individual. Many men and many women before meeting one stable emotional partner, they had partners who were out of control and behaving without emotional integrity. And this leaves scars.

To be even more concrete and accurate, the new partner, who is stable, will pay the bill like it or not. It’s how things work in relationships. Relationships are also opportunities to heal wounds that we all have.

What is the typical behavior of one insecure man:

  • He’s overly sensitive to criticism
  • Self-fulfilling prophecy and this is very dangerous because the person who has insecurities let the brain lead the scene to the point, where things will happen
  • Trust Issues that lead to abandonment issues. He trust you, but don’t trust you completely
  • Suspicious of others motives, believe that people want take advantage of him
  • Comparisons to push away their partners, as protection, and defeat the possibility of being hurt hurting their partners. 
  • He held back the need to call you because he doesn’t want you to see him as needy.
  • He will be overly hard on Himself
  • He never wants to be in pictures
  • Anxiety sexual performance
  • Anxiety in general

Men fear being left after expose to their partner how they feel inside. Men fear criticism and judgment, and the truth is society rules “invite” men to be strong all the time, men have to be God’s between sheets, if not, they are probably gay. And this what leads so many men to suicide. Those fucking old fashion rules that only increase dissatisfaction and paranoia.

The real desire for closeness comes from Emotional Integrity, not from Fear when it comes from fear the relationship between the couple doesn’t evolve.

In a conscious relationship, when partners are committed to growing out from their childhood beliefs and past relationships baggage, new solutions appear.
It’s liberating the act of sharing your emotions and thoughts without judgment. When you full disclose your fears in the front of your partner and you are vulnerable something magical happens.

There is no space and exist clear boundaries for what it is a potential threat to the relationship.

Great love in relationship is present when there is no fear.

Healthy women that are living their lives based on their Emotional Integrity code want to feel safe with a man who is emotionally available, honest, trustworthy and authentic. They long for character strengths that they can admire. Healthy women need men who aren’t weak, and for that reason, don’t bend to the whims of others. When he is in his emotional integrity, he is who he is.

Healthy women don’t like drama are against drama. They understand that their man is like museum pieces that can be admire by others, but if it leads to unnecessary drama, the game is over.

When you ask something like you want to spend more time with your partner or his/her attention from your emotional integrity, you are also communicating that you know together you are stronger than when you are alone. It’s authentic.

Your emotions are what you feel, not what you are.

Example: Don’t say I’m angry, say I’m feeling angry, and after that, identify where you feel that anger and why.

If your partner is insecure, look at him or her with a lens of compassion. Insecurities always have a cause, and most of the time has nothing to do with you. Men or women with insecurity traits want to experience real love, but somewhere in their adulthood or childhood, that kind of connection wasn’t there.

Most of these people told themselves a story that love wasn’t necessary, and no one could measure up what they want when it comes to intimate relationships till one day someone appears and gives them one “electric shock”.

After reading my words ask yourself these questions:

  • How do you feel about yourself?
  • Are you doing things that can sabotage your relationship?
  • Did you tell your partner today that you love him/her today? Because instead of protecting yourself, tell them that you miss them and you want them to be close.

My partner, although he has fears, and insecurities took an airplane to meet me more than one year ago. With this simple action, he shows me he has no fear at all. He was acting through his emotional integrity, doing what was correct for him, and at least for me, for us.

Don’t let insecurities blind you, don’t let your fears kill love, and real affection.

Who loves you for real, don’t have afraid of your insecurities, or go through darkest hours.

With love,

Alexandra

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6 comentários

  1. Interesting post. I’m currently single (i think), but came out of a long term relationship and have been thinking a lot about what seems to go wrong.
    When you describe emotional integrity, I feel I am very strong on this, I can’t imagine anyone being stronger, but I think the missing element in both your definition and myself is being happy about who you are. What I mean is, I do what I believe and I often break the mold with no fear of the consequences; I simply act as if there aren’t any as I really like to be authentic. Having said that, I still long from the validation (acceptance) that I only really feel in romantic relationships. It doesn’t change the way I act in any way whatsoever but it does make me sad when I don’t have it and clingy/needy when I do.
    For myself, I have trouble with this. On the one hand I want to listen to everyone who says you need to make yourself happy and not enter in to codependency and yet, on the hand, I wonder if losing the very vulnerability and need for acceptance that we all start off having, is the essence of being human and a necessity to wanting to belong with others, especially romantically. On some level being clingy/needy feels like its part of who I am and I don’t really want it to go away. It feels inauthentic to try to convince myself I don’t need anyone and that anyone who comes into my life is a bonus. I don’t think I could love and share as passionately and intensely as I do now (when I can) if I were to shut that part of me off.
    It’s a bit different than what you wrote, but I think someone can have emotional integrity and still be unhappy, and still be overwhelmed with a longing for love and genuine acceptance. Sadly, I think we live in a society where its much more functional for people to act in a way that is counter to genuine relationships (of all types).
    Thanks for your post and blog, enjoy reading!

    Gostar

    1. Dear Underground,

      I want to thank you for your wonderful commentary and how vulnerable you were while you wrote your words explaining your feelings.
      To truly love someone, we need to be vulnerable, and we need to love ourselves embrace our shadows as we embrace our best qualities. To have a healthy relationship, we need to create our bonds with others based on interpendence.
      To build one interdependent relationship, you need to know who you are where you stand.

      “Codependent relationships are not healthy and do not allow partners room to be themselves, to grow and to be autonomous. These unhealthy relationships involve one partner, or both, relying heavily on the other and the relationship for their sense of self, feelings of worthiness and overall emotional well-being. There are often feelings of guilt and shame for one or both partners when the relationship is not going well.”

      With this said, many things can interfere with the way we relate. Attachment system, emotional baggage, our first intimate love experiences, how we perceive the relationships of our role models.
      I would invite you to take some time and do a proper search for the attachment system it will help you to identify what is wrong.

      I wish you and wonderful Tuesday.

      Alexandra

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Emotional integrity is a cornerstone of all individual development and subsequently stands as the foundation for which successful relationships are built. Without a strong foundation that will not sway with the winds we cannot expect to build the hearth of the home a loving relationship will give us. Do you mind if I-piggyback on this in an upcoming post for my readers: with backlinks to you article. This is a very important topic.

    Tom

    Liked by 2 people

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