In our current days, everyone wants to have a healthy and happy relationship but, the truth, we are living confusing days where there are no rules for dating, and relationships are low maintenance.
Fall in love is easy. Stay in love through good and bad moments requires your resilience and the ability to be perseverant.
Even though some relationships will naturally fail, many ends because people are too lazy to accept and work on differences, and want an easy life even in love.
© 2020 Alexandra Maria Santos. All rights reserved
Here I give you the seven keys to have one more fulfilling relationship:
- The Courage to be vulnerable
- Perseverance
- Candor
- Disposition
- Ability to grow
- Acceptance
- Sense of Humor
What means candor for real, you may ask:
Candor, in simple words, is your ability to tell the hard truths to your partner. There are moments in the relationship where you must hear painful things, and grab the bull by the horns.
Candor is the bridge you edifice between perseverance and the courage to be vulnerable. How can you have one intimate relationship with your partner if he or she holds back the fundamental bases of intimacy?
To conclude my article and invite you to think about this topic, I will share what Dr. Lisa Firestone discovered in her studies and her book “Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships”:
“Almost every one of us struggles, to some degree, to stay connected to our loving feelings. Early experiences of feeling hurt or rejected can injure our ability to connect with and sustain our loving feelings. Giving and receiving love actually challenges our core defenses, early adaptations we formed to protect ourselves against the ways we were hurt.”
“While none of us choose to fall out of love, many of us are unaware of the defenses we’ve formed and adaptations we’ve made that may now limit us in our ability to stay close and connected to our partner. For example, it may be hard to stay connected and trust someone completely when we grew up feeling insecure and neglected. It can be difficult to be vulnerable and consistently kind when we grew up with people who were cold, punishing, or had their own difficulty giving and receiving love.”
Wishing you love,
Alexandra
Ouso Escrever 
Great tips. As you say, it’s easy to fall in love. Usually when we do that, we are not seeing the whole person. It’s really more of a caricature of who they really are. But staying in love is possible. It simply takes some effort 🙂
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“When we describe the spark fading in our relationships, we’re not usually aware of a process we’re engaging in that is literally dousing the flames. A “fantasy bond” is a concept developed by Dr. Robert Firestone, which describes how couples forego real love for a fantasy of connection. “Most people have a fear of intimacy and at the same time are terrified of being alone,” said Firestone. “Their solution is to form a fantasy bond – an illusion of connection and closeness – that allows them to maintain emotional distance while assuaging loneliness.
When we consider why we’re falling out of love, it’s helpful to look at how much we may have fallen into a fantasy bond with our partner.
Before we decide we’ve fallen out of love, we may want to think about all the actions we can take to check in with our own loving feelings”
Love is one verb of action, it’s a skill.
Have a wonderful weekend and thank you for your contribution 🙂
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i like your ‘keys’… i like candor haha…it is first time that I have heard that word…but yes…honesty, being direct….without it I think it is impossible to form meaningful relationship
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Dario,
Sometimes, there are moments where we don’t talk with kindness, and this can have one intense reflection within the relationship.
And to think more about this:
“This brings us back to the idea that love is a verb. Connecting to our own loving feelings often involves taking action. Erich Fromm once wrote, “There is only one proof for the presence of love: the depth of the relationship, and the aliveness and strength in each person concerned; this is the fruit by which love is recognized.” It’s also Fromm who famously said that love, “isn’t a feeling, it is a practice.” Before we decide we’ve fallen out of love, we may want to think about all the actions we can take to check in with our own loving feelings. Can we commit to coming fully alive in ourselves before calling time of death on our relationship?”
Have a good Sunday 🙂
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Hello! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to
give a quick shout out and say I really enjoy reading
through your blog posts. Can you recommend any
other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same
subjects? Thank you so much!
GostarGostar