Many were the times I wrote on my website that we are living in a period where people more than paralyzed. Are terrified when it comes to dating and relationships. I’ve seen, especially women, still have the problem of not saying what they want from the very beginning, which would save them from a lot of heartbreak and allow the selection process to work in their benefit. The problem of many relationships begins with the selection process, not with the relationship development.
Another aspect of all this dating modernity is the avalanche of articles, videos, and other stuff that “help” women to capture the men’s attention. Things like, play hard to get, the right text message to make him fall in love with you, don’t text him or call him after a first date. Don’t say what you want because you will scare him away, or only show the best version of who you are. The independent and brilliant woman that seems who is invincible and doesn’t need support from anyone.
Do you know who you will attract? Energy vampires, avoidant and emotionally unavailable men who will extract the best of you, and when you need them the most, they will leave. Why? Because they never saw the real you. I’m not demonizing men because women can be like this too, I am talking about a reality that remains hidden in favor of one outdated romanticism that hurts emotionally healthy people. I am talking about psychological elementary school games that will only attract the wrong partner for you.
I know this reality very well not because I don’t say what I want, but because genuinely independent women tend to attract these kinds of men who need light in their lives. Be aware of it. Three months ago, I received the most amazing emotional blown up when my ex-partner said our relationship was over.
I didn’t hear thank you, Alexandra, for everything.
I heard it was over because he felt something was off in his gut, and I was too intense, but in the middle of all this mess and all his words, I heard the self I possess inside. The voice that always said to me was time to leave because it wasn’t the right relationship to stay.
You can not be with someone who isn’t sure about his feelings for you. You can’t have a relationship with a man when he knows you are dealing with serious problems, instead of giving support to you. He wastes his time feeding superficial conversations with other women and sends part of it, to you, because it is funny.
Or even funnier, he sends pictures of the holiday you both are having in your country to one woman he never saw in his life but has a virtual friendship of three years. She even asks him if the sex was great or if he was in love.
The last cookie of the package, I wanted to have a relationship with him to use him to get one Visa and then leave.
And this was the beginning of the end, you know why? Because to maintain one intimate relationship we need to have self-awareness and realize that we might need professional help to rebuild our self-esteem and deeply understand the toxic behaviors that sooner or later, will sabotage the bonds we create.
YOU CAN’T BE OR LOVE SOMEONE SCARED!
Do these men and even women realize what they are doing? Not right away. Because of their deactivating strategies, they will never access their feelings or behaviors blaming you for the reasons why the relationship failed. Till one day, the loneliness hits them, and the crisis begins leading them to seek professional help or living poor and superficial relationships.
Real people will always be there for you. They are consistent, and their actions match their words. These are the people who will teach HOW TO LIKE and LOVE FOR REAL.
The same happens when your ex-partners want to remain friends with you. If you truly loved them, you will never give them friendship because that’s the ultimate betrayal for the intimacy you shared in your intimate relationships.
For you women:
- Be Present.
- Don’t play games like kids.
- Know what You want.
- Say right away what you want, from one relationship, and if they walk away, just let them go.
- Don’t let anyone or their fears edit your life.
- Don’t limit yourself and always listen to your higher self.
I walked away not only from this relationship but also from my job, and all the people that was toxic for me. It will be strange in the beginning, but after a while, you will feel the differences within yourself and your soul.
Who loves and see us will be available and will be consistent in their actions. They will listen to you, cook the special dish to remind you of the first date. They will give you gifts not just because they are generous, but because they love you. Most important they will choose you every day, and if they don’t that should be the biggest turn off ever.
Life even short will oblige you to rebirth as many times as possible to make you achieve your highest propose in this human condition, real happiness.