You met this guy. He is charming, attentive, mysterious, and there is something irresistible about him that you can’t ignore. He loves bomb you with affection, gifts, all the right words, and the right moves, talks about one future together, but for some reason, there is a shift in his behavior, and you wonder why.

The adorable man he used to be is now vague, cold, and is pulling away from you because everything is too much and isn’t working for him. He left. And here you are leaving this immense heartbreak asking what went wrong.

Let me ask you this: Do you ever stopped for a while to think that he is emotionally unavailable, and he just left the relationship exactly at the moment where the honeymoon phase is gone? He left the relationship because he wasn’t able to receive the love you had to give and work together as a team to make the relationship works.

Emotional Unavailability in men has a common root in a damaged childhood and bad experiences with intimate relationships in adulthood. They want you. They want to experience intimacy, but when the relationship needs more depth and interdependence, there is an urge to run away. And they run, they run faster as they can, telling themselves the old story that it was your fault, and you are not “the one” for them.

To understand the psychological explanation or the causes that origin an emotionally unavailable man, I will leave here some articles that I would like you to read:

  1. Son’s of Narcissistic Mothers: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202003/sons-narcissistic-mothers
  2. Reasons Why Intimacy Might Feel Too Dangerous For You:
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/evolution-the-self/201804/3-reasons-intimacy-might-feel-too-dangerous-you
  3. Fear of Intimacy and Closeness in Relationships
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-freedom-change/201504/fear-intimacy-and-closeness-in-relationships

Now, what is the best lesson you can take from this dynamic? You are one human being with the ability to give love and not run away from intimacy. But I want you to look at this dynamic and ask yourself, do I love myself completely? Is there something about me or my life that I don’t accept? THEIR BEHAVIOR DON’T REFLECT WHO YOU ARE! YOU ARE WORTHY TO EXPERIENCE LOVE!

But if there is something that you would like to work on, I would like you to follow this:

1. Stop dating others and date yourself for a while
2. Journal about everything you want and then read it out loud, it will help you to identify limitations in your thinking or behaving. 
3. Seek professional help that will guide and amplify your vision. 
4. Understand that you can love and assist your partner in their growth, but it isn’t your responsibility to rescue them or be their therapist.
5. Don’t allow their fears, their lack of self-awareness, or incapacity to receive your love as guides to define your value. 
6. Be proud of who you are and what you just achieved from this relationship. You can give and experience love, don’t give up!
7. YOU ARE REAL! AND REAL PEOPLE AREN’T SCARED OF BROKEN THEIR FACES IN THE NAME OF LOVE.

Unfortunately, the reality I explain in this article can be applied to women also. I wish people could be more aware of their fears and the reasons why intimacy can be so frightening for them. I wish we could stop blame people for who they are and understand, those who run away, they run not because they don’t love us, but because the love we have to offer goes beyond the familiarity they used to experience.

In love, you don’t need to be mysterious, play games to attract the person you want. In love, you need to be real and consistent. Be sure you know your control panel well and explain it to your partner, because that new person in your life needs to see the real you and not one imaginary image. Knowing your control panel means you will select the ideal partner and not waste time with people who can’t give you the love you desire.

Next time a man says to you – you are one independent woman! – more than see it as a compliment, because it can be just that. Think also, maybe they are telling you that because they can’t be fully intimate with you and build with the relationship you deserve. Relationship means interdependence, not independence.

Honor the amazing woman you are and remember, emotionally unavailable partners are here to remind that you don’t need broken love. They teach to deserve better than them and also to polish the unseen parts of yourself that you used to reject. They leave because you are so decent that you will never be able to make them suffer.

Now they are looking for someone hard to get, with whom they will create all those intense feelings they experienced with you. But you, you will tank them because you will never fall into that trap again.

With love,

Alexandra

Image credits: School of life

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4 comentários

    1. The reality goes deeper than a simple test as a solution. What is needed is emotional education and the understanding that we all have our issues. To find true happiness must be available the capacity to overcome what I described in this article.

      Have a good day, Robert! 🙂

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