Toxic or not, our families define the way we will project ourselves in adulthood and how we will relate intimately or socially with other people.
Returning to the summer of 1995, when I was ten years old, my father had a huge car accident that almost killed him, and at some point, the father I had until then died on that day.
My father was emotionally abused and neglected by his father all his life. Many were the times he had to sleep outside the house because he tried to defend his mother from being violently assaulted by his father. Unfortunately, domestic violence still exists and kills many women every day.
After the accident, with all the surgeries, recovery processes, and even aging. With all the knowledge I have now, I am sure my father has his prefrontal cortex damage. Unfortunately, he never wanted to have exams or even saw a psychologist.
What are the consequences of this? He became the person that he taught us not to be. Before the accident, he was a hard-working man, loyal, reliable, and responsible. After the accident, he became capricious, emotionally unavailable, trouble-maker, and even cheater.
The question now is, how it did affect me, and who I am today?
- I lost my father forever in that accident, even if he was alive. And I had that conscience when I received the Rokistansky diagnosis with sixteen years old, and he said no man would ever want me.
- My teenagerhood was the stage of a huge amount of emotional distress where the peak was when I caught him having sex with another woman.
- The family gained a new reconfiguration and a long process of grieving to achieve.
- I didn’t date my entire teenagerhood and beginning of my adulthood because being intimate with one man requires us to be whole. And this is self-respect or self-awareness.
Who Am I Today?
It has been a long journey of self-acknowledge, self-love, and self-respect. I could understand why I was attracting unavailable emotional men to my life and ended that cycle with my last relationship. Unavailable emotional men are attracted to independent women because they can’t provide the requirements that a loving relationship requires.
Despite all emotional turmoil, I became one adult woman who knows how to stand for her core values and stay when everyone runs away from their responsibilities. For some reason, I was the head of one farm company that was on the verge of bankruptcy, and even alone, I managed to give new vitality to this company.
I am who I am today, and I am proud of who I am. I have to thank my Father and my Mother for all the knowledge, and the best way to honor them is to be my best self out there. The more we accept life isn’t perfect, but that we can be perfect with our imperfections, the more in peace we will live.
More than talk about toxicity, we should replace the word toxicity for wound, and reflect on how much we can learn from it and use it to build our singular identity.
The right person will be proud to walk beside you because the real you seduce them every day, and inspire them to be their best versions. Remember that people who don’t know what they want, or aren’t sure about themselves, will never be able to understand you, or see you. Their fears and lack of awareness are real obstacles to touch you, and you that had experienced so much in life will never settle down for less.
This is my message for you today.
The following video is explained how toxicity will affect you and how you will see the world. Please, seek professional help because you deserve so much more from life.