Toxic or not, our families define the way we will project ourselves in adulthood and how we will relate intimately or socially with other people.

Returning to the summer of 1995, when I was ten years old, my father had a huge car accident that almost killed him, and at some point, the father I had until then died on that day.
My father was emotionally abused and neglected by his father all his life. Many were the times he had to sleep outside the house because he tried to defend his mother from being violently assaulted by his father. Unfortunately, domestic violence still exists and kills many women every day.

After the accident, with all the surgeries, recovery processes, and even aging. With all the knowledge I have now, I am sure my father has his prefrontal cortex damage. Unfortunately, he never wanted to have exams or even saw a psychologist.

What are the consequences of this? He became the person that he taught us not to be. Before the accident, he was a hard-working man, loyal, reliable, and responsible. After the accident, he became capricious, emotionally unavailable, trouble-maker, and even cheater.

The question now is, how it did affect me, and who I am today?

  • I lost my father forever in that accident, even if he was alive. And I had that conscience when I received the Rokistansky diagnosis with sixteen years old, and he said no man would ever want me. 
  • My teenagerhood was the stage of a huge amount of emotional distress where the peak was when I caught him having sex with another woman. 
  • The family gained a new reconfiguration and a long process of grieving to achieve.
  • I didn’t date my entire teenagerhood and beginning of my adulthood because being intimate with one man requires us to be whole. And this is self-respect or self-awareness.

Who Am I Today?

It has been a long journey of self-acknowledge, self-love, and self-respect. I could understand why I was attracting unavailable emotional men to my life and ended that cycle with my last relationship. Unavailable emotional men are attracted to independent women because they can’t provide the requirements that a loving relationship requires.

Despite all emotional turmoil, I became one adult woman who knows how to stand for her core values and stay when everyone runs away from their responsibilities. For some reason, I was the head of one farm company that was on the verge of bankruptcy, and even alone, I managed to give new vitality to this company.

I am who I am today, and I am proud of who I am. I have to thank my Father and my Mother for all the knowledge, and the best way to honor them is to be my best self out there. The more we accept life isn’t perfect, but that we can be perfect with our imperfections, the more in peace we will live.

More than talk about toxicity, we should replace the word toxicity for wound, and reflect on how much we can learn from it and use it to build our singular identity.

The right person will be proud to walk beside you because the real you seduce them every day, and inspire them to be their best versions. Remember that people who don’t know what they want, or aren’t sure about themselves, will never be able to understand you, or see you. Their fears and lack of awareness are real obstacles to touch you, and you that had experienced so much in life will never settle down for less.

This is my message for you today.

The following video is explained how toxicity will affect you and how you will see the world. Please, seek professional help because you deserve so much more from life.

With love,

Alexandra

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10 comentários

  1. Our childhood has a massive effect on us, and a lot of the time, we’re not even aware of how it has affected us. It’s really helpful if we can’t take the time to sift through some of the negative effects and work on becoming the kind of person we actually want to be.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your concern!

        He is still alive. But the Father I had died a long time ago, and yes, that is truly life-changing. It can take years for you to heal completely and I believe, for many women and men, it can be the cause for several issues in romantic relationships.

        Look at those men who had manipulative or controlling mothers? They run away from their partners at the first signal of possible manipulative behavior. Should we blame them?

        I wish we could be more aware of our internal responses and seek professional help.

        And I hope this glance can open the door to people to realize that a wonderful life is waiting for them.

        Have a wonderful weekend!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What a beautiful and honest post. I don’t think I truly realised how my childhood affected me until relatively recently and I wasn’t abused or anything bad … I was however treated as though my voice didn’t matter, what I felt didn’t matter, what I needed (which was love and occasional attention) didn’t matter. I craved love and attention and everything spiralled out of control. Children should be seen and not heard was the mantra in our household. The sad thing is that so many others of my generation were in exactly the same boat. That was just the way things were done then … Really great post and wishing you my very warmest best wishes. Katie 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your commentary! ❤

      The best way to use my website in this professional way, more than share theory, is to share real-life experiences. I am glad this can help people to identify their problems, or at least how to solve them and change their perspective.

      Have one wonderful weekend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Dear Robert,

      I want my place in here, to be a place of honesty and real vulnerability. More than give to all of you book’s theory, I don’t have any problem sharing some details of my journey.

      The picture is also the picture of my website now.

      Have a beautiful weekend. ❤

      Gostar

      1. I agree with you, yes. One of the reasons why I decided to rebuilt “Ouso Escrever” was because I felt I have so much to teach and share, why shut up myself?
        Also, it is important to share new insights about relationships and self-improvement in one period where everything should be instant and discardable.
        I ended one cycle for good in my life, the last relationship I had, and how it ended was the ultimate sword I needed to have in my hands which allowed me to flourish and regain my power completely.

        With the help of my psychologist, I could reframe strategies to protect myself, because I am one empath. For better, and for worst, my mirror neurons are a gift that I have to protect and use for the sake of my health. But that will be my next article.

        Liked by 1 person

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