All of us, without exception, are tired of hearing that starting a relationship nowadays is a difficult task that requires judgment and patience on our part. Every day new terminologies emerge to define unacceptable behaviors in the romantic dating scene.

But what about people that want to have a deep and long-lasting relationship, but have to deal with fertility issues?

Where is the support for these individuals?

When is the right timing to talk about fertility to a prospective partner?

Most of us are not aware that we have fertility issues until the moment we have sex without protection with our partner for more than one year, and pregnancy doesn’t occur.
If you know you have fertility issues and you are navigating the dating scene trying to find a good match for you, what are your options?
There is not much information about this topic, pretending that these people don’t exist, which creates a space with a lack of support and sustainable advice.

Talk about fertility issues is a very private subject, which means you don’t go down your street with a scoreboard in hand saying: “I am infertile!”.

These are my tips for you:

  1. There’s no right time to disclose fertility issues to a potential mate.
  2. Not all your prospective partners need to know about your medical
    condition, and this is the reason why you should be present, aware, and use your judgment capacity.
  3. Use the short sentence “I have fertility issues” and wait for the reaction.
  4. Be ready to answer all the questions, and please do it with and in peace.
  5. Explain the options you have available, but be aware that not everyone is willing to go down the path of adoption, surrogacy, or other medical procedures.
  6. Don’t allow anyone to tells you that you are hiding or lying. You have to feel comfortable and safe to discuss this subject.
  7. Consider parenting on your own (The number of single British women seeking sperm rose by 55 per cent between 2000 and 2012.)
  8. Your fertility issues are no issue for the right person, and he or she will make your journey, their journey.
  9. Have this in mind: “The shrinkage of the dating pool with time and its later domination by less secure types means the older you are, the more cautious you should be, because it is much more likely that those in the dating pool in later years have a problematic attachment type, or even worse problems keeping them from sustaining good relationships.”
  10. Have compassion for who you are and the difficulties you are facing, and at the end of the day, trust your instincts.

Like everything in life, there are some parts of our existence, unless it is for educational proposes, we shouldn’t declare to anyone. Mostly, when we feel in our instincts, there is something wrong about the person we are already dating. Not every person you will date is worthy to access the beauty of your wounds and can understand your pain.

Your fertility issues should be a no issue for you, take it as part of your self, and everything around will change. The less division exists within you, the more attractive for the right person you will be.

With love,

Alexandra

image: Irina Shatilova/iStock

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