After a breakup, if you are the dumpee, you will experience separation anxiety, which will give you diarrhea, panic attacks, headaches, obsessive thoughts, nightmare dreams. And all the pain and fears of the universe. Your cortisol will run wild and free, and yes, it’s normal, you will cry like a baby.
You are experiencing the death of someone you used to love with the aggravating that they are still alive. So when your ex asks you to be friends, please go directly with no contact and leave them alone.
No contact is forever. No contact isn’t a game that you use to manipulate your ex. And no, it isn’t 30 or 60 days like you can see all over the web, that’s bullshit to make you buy recovering programs which won’t allow you to heal and find your inner peace.
The real characteristics of real no Contact:
- Time to focus on yourself and redefine yourself and your goals.Work on yourself with professional guidance. Try to find a therapist who has a specialization in Attachment styles and Trauma bonds.
- Journal daily all your thoughts and feelings about the relationship and the breakup because while you do this, you are creating new neuro paths within your brain.
- Cease interactions in social media, and mute them.
- Uninstall social media apps from your cell phone for a while.
- Retract your energy from your ex, cutting those obsessive thoughts and inner conversations with him or her.
- If you were a really good partner, let life teach them the lessons they need to learn.
- Use this time to grieve, to breath and educate yourself to love again.
- It doesn’t matter if they are avoidants, have narcissistic traits, or other kinds of broken personalities.
- No contact is for you and all about you, not about them.
- Think about your dreams and how to make them real.
- Don’t let other people take advantage of this vulnerable moment.
- Don’t go back to dating apps, and please introduce yourself in real-life situations without fear. Dating apps, unfortunately, have a small percentage of people that are open to having one real romantic relationship. But this will be for another article.
- Research has shown that thinking about back burners, even for a few minutes, can lower investment in a current partner (Drouin, Miller, & Dibble, 2015). Don’t be one!!
Unfortunately, like everything in life, there are out there people that will offer quick remedies to fix your pain. Don’t buy that. Once again, seek if you can, in your area professional help, and even if you don’t like the professional you are seeing, you can change to another one.
I know how awful these moments are, I have been there recently, and this is my professional contribution to help you get through it.
Breakups are real. Breakups are the death of one relationship. Find peace within yourself, and please, receive my warm hug.
My love for you,