Since I was a little girl, I always remember myself thinking about having a family on my own and a place that I would call home sweet home.
Even though, years later, that reality would be partially shattered by the Rokistanslky diagnosed. I knew I would find a way to cope with this and have healthy intimate relationships with others. In my previous article, I talked about narcissism and other sorts of abusive behaviors that we should be aware of while we are getting to know and dating someone. This reality is especially true for men and women that were raised by an abusive father or mother.
I had only two long term relationships, not because I didn’t have perspective men seeking a relationship with me, but because I always had and still have this motto in my life: “Don’t give your precious “cookie” away for at least 30 days!”.
My vagina and my body are the most precious things I have in this life, so I have to nourish, cherish and protect it as long as I can from people that are unhealthy or unable to see.
When I look back and see in the chronology when these two relationships happened, I understand it was in moments of intense vulnerability and where it was easy to hook me up through love bombing. The first relationship happens after a while of my surgery to correct Rokistansky syndrome, the second when I was dealing with a huge emotional roller coaster solving all the mess in the farming business. I am not ashamed to say either that these two men were the only sexual partners that I have had so far.
The second relationship and the way it ended was a huge punch in the soul for four reasons:
- I loved him deeply
- I was in Australia without my network of support
- I was emotionally empty after a long 2019 year in court battles and working at the sunflower fields.
- The conversations I heard before the break-up made me feel like I was with him to get a visa and get married quickly because of money.
There was something inside me warning that the discard was coming, that I was an intrude, and not welcome at all. Because one thing is what you hear, another thing completely different is the non-verbal communication and the energy around you. And the funny but not so funny thing around all this was a dear friend of mine, who lives there, told me it wasn’t a good idea to stay at his parent’s house. And she was the only person that ask me to send messages till I arrive in Portugal again.
In normal circumstances, this relationship wouldn’t reach almost the two years mark, because of these examples:
- Telling one online friend (female) that he never saw in his life that he was coming to Portugal to visit me.
- That woman asked him how was sex and if he was in love, which he replied “I guess so”
- He sent pictures to her of the view that we had from our bedroom hotel
- He had sent me print screens of one conversation between him and one colleague of his degree, where she shows to him another conversation where one girl wants to get married to him.
- He said he showed me that because it was funny, and I am a secure partner.
- When I was looking for jobs to apply in Australia, and after I shared with him I lost one of my farms, he said I was trying to use him to get a visa as his brother’s girlfriend did.
- He calls his brother’s girlfriend bitch, narcissist, but added her on Facebook.
I could write so much more about this topic, but the only thing that I want you to understand is that we need to be careful. If you desire to move to another country seeking a new life or spread your acknowledgment, don’t accept a partner visa. I would never accept that because I have a university diploma, and I could apply to the Skilled Independent Visa.
My responsibility in all this was I let things went too far. I should have ended the relationship and went back to Australia to take care of my life only. My life is a precious asset that I don’t allow anyone to mistreat, use, or discard. This man gave me all the signs that he never saw me. What he saw was the image he has about what should be a woman and what that woman should give to him.
We can fall in love with people from different countries, but if you can, don’t use dating apps to meet your future partner. Or at least know your boundaries and educate yourself about attachment styles and emotional unavailability. There are plenty of men and women that will love us for who we are, even when we are in the middle of all this pandemic of narcissism and selfishness.
To conclude my article, I have to say that I only shared with my ex-partner partial parts of the rokitansky journey. Why? Because now, I understand, I never felt emotionally safe to do so because he was sharing our conversations with his family. And this one enormous red flag, because when you can’t share your intimate journey with your partner, he or she isn’t the right person for you.
We had good moments I will carry those moments forever inside me, but now it is time to continue my healing process, and live my beautiful life.
Remember: Know what you want, speak your truth, and move forward.
With all my love,