Why Break Up With a Narcissist Isn’t a Normal Breakup?

I may repeat myself, but I will always emphasize that a real relationship is created to help us to dominate our emotions.

Life has these amazing ways to attract certain kinds of individuals not to torture us, but to illuminate and help us to navigate through those places where fear freeze our ability to move forward.

A real partnership is a place where you hold hands and work together as a team to face challenges. Side by side step by step, you gain the ability and genuine curiosity to know your partner, and understand his or her deepest fears without judgment. To help, to nourish, and assist him or her to succeed. You are there always available, and consistent, without games.

When your relationship ends, you may feel the pain, the loss, but over time you will remember how much you learned with this person. And most likely, he or she will stay in good light for the rest of your life.

So the question remains, why when a relationship with Narcissist individuals ends don’t feel that way? And who is a Narcissist individual?

True pathological narcissism, has always been rare and remains, only one 1 percent of the population suffer from this condition. So what we are experiencing in our current society is the rise of individuals with high traits of narcissism promoted by one environment where everything should be a competition. Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and most dating apps like Tinder, PlentyofFish, and OkCupid, are just a few examples of the pool where these individuals navigate, brag about their lives, and seek new sources of supply.

Individuals with higher narcissistic traits also have an avoidant, or fearful-avoidant attachment style. So your chances to meet and date one are pretty high. Yet, all of us need to stay away from that standard image of that narcissist’s love cars, money and looks. Grandiose narcissists care about money, cars, and beauty, but what about covert or vulnerable narcissists?

Covert or vulnerable narcissist individuals are more prone to introversion than other types of narcissism. Although they have grandiose fantasies, they feel inadequate, they are shy, have a deep tendency to hold grudges, envy, anxiety, and emptiness.

So Why Break Up With a Narcissist Isn’t a Normal Breakup? The answer is simple, Illusion. Why an Illusion? Because when you start a relationship with them, they will apply the love-bomb technique to lock you down because they know you are a good source to suppress their self-void. In this period, hormones like dopamine and oxytocin will run wild and free in their brain, and that’s when their love for you happens.

Narcissist individuals can experience love, but not the form of love that healthy mature people perceive. Love is a transaction for them, even when they are experiencing this intoxicating cocktail of love hormones, which they are addicted.

They want to know your dreams, “provide” the life you deserve, sell you the perfect life, your private details to reach your brain, and later gaslight you. That will be the second phase of your relationship until the devaluation and discard.

It is only mirroring and won’t last forever, because they are chasing a fantasy fairytale, not a real relationship or person. 

They don’t bond with you, so when you start to call them out, or when you try to educate them, they devalue and discard you without looking back.
We should understand that, deep down, these individuals will do whatever they can to avoid, repress, and ignore where they stand emotionally.

When you reach, the devalue, and discard stage, blindsided, is the word to define how you will feel. You will feel the pain, the loss, the anger not only for the relationship you had, but also for the relationship and the person you thought you had.

After the discard what they will do? Chase a new fantasy (means a new person), and you will be completely devastate. You may ask yourself how he or she can move on so fast? Remember, they never had a bond with you. So they are already searching for a new person because they can’t stand and face their inner vacuum, and won’t get back to you because you already know who they are.

These men or women want to live Hollywood fantasies and go through the raindrops, not the real challenges of a real relationship.
If you read the book “Attached”, which I highly recommend, you will understand this dynamic.

Tips for you:

1. Don’t avoid your feelings and if you have wounds, heal them because it is what attracts narcissists, and other forms of emotionally unavailable people. 
2.  Understand where you stand in this relationship and don’t buy the love-bombing phase. 
3. Don’t go to dating websites when you are feeling lonely, or having big life-changing events in your life. 
4. Meet people organically and start from friendship. 
5. Learn to say no.
6. Acknowledge it takes time to trust and be vulnerable with someone. 
7. When you reject a narcissist even if they discarded you, they are forced to confront their emptiness, that’s why they need someone new to avoid it. 
8. Individuals higher in narcissism tended to post selfies and self-presented photos, bikini photos, update their profile picture more often, and spend more time on Instagram, as compared to their counterparts. 
9. Narcissists will frustrate you sexually.
10. After the discard, go no contact to heal and move forward.
11. LOVE WHO YOU ARE AND UNIFY YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF!

To close this article, what narcissist individual fears the most? A STRONG YOU!

Warning: Not all therapists will acknowledge your pain, so please, if you can seek therapists trained in narcissistic abuse, and trauma bond.

I will write more about this topic.

Have a lovely weekend!

Alexandra