Are you looking for a penis or a real man?

Perhaps, this is the most unbearable shocking question that we should ask ourselves before consider going into the dating world.

Why should we ask this to ourselves? What is the difference between the penis and man, or vagina and woman? What is our conscience or protocol to find a mate? Do we want a partnership or a “situationship”? What sex means for us, and when is the right timing to have sex with our new partner?

Are you emotionally available to have a real man or woman in your life? What kind of stories you heard about intimacy? Would people take advantage of you? Do you believe that you can’t fully trust anyone because they will leave you?

The narratives that are in constant replay inside your mind will determine how much success you will have in the dating world and also in life. We all know that everyone says that hookup culture or casual sex is on the rise, that it is hard to find commitment, and no one wants to have a label. But is this true for everyone? Does everyone have commitment phobia or relationship anxiety?

Well, if you want to have a fulfilled and long term relationship, don’t fall for the “dick sand” or “vajayjay sand” trap. Unless you are ok and you want to have sexual intercourse consciously without commitment, don’t fall for it because you will be hurt in the end.
The urgency to find someone just because society says you can’t be on your own will only lead to poor choices and, in most cases, rejecting amazing partners because they don’t give you drama.

So, what is sex?

Sex is a way of lessening our alienation, isolation, and aloneness by physically connecting with, penetrating or being penetrated by another person at the most primal level of existence. Sex substantiates, humanizes, and incarnates existence. It produces joy, love, comfort, affection, and sometimes ecstasy.

Sex is one of the center parts of human existence, but also the symbology between birth and death. With sex and procreation, a new cycle of life will begin developing until the day death will come and take your very last breath away.


When we understand that we are mortals, but most importantly, animals with instincts, the more questions related to sex and existence will dissipate.

I believe we have to access our realities before even think the possibility of having someone in our lives. Not only because every individual is at different levels of maturity and emotional development, but because monogamy should always be a topic to discuss in the early phases of dating.

To get to know someone, you should focus your attention on only one person, and never start dating someone after a breakup. Healthy people usually take one year or more to start a new relationship because they don’t have problems with being alone.

A real man or a real woman will be consistent with you through actions, show up by your side when your life is upside down. And don’t give a shit about what other people will think or say. They are looking for the real you and not for your penis or vagina. They will be your teacher, but they also want to be your student.

Personally, I don’t believe in unicorns or fairytales, neither in dramatic Hollywood happy endings. Call me cold, but I like to see myself as a woman who knows what she wants and where she is going. I don’t have sex with one man unless we have an established commitment because let’s be honest, we can have sex with ourselves, so why be in a hurry for less than we deserve?

What I describe in this article and the questions I raise is just the first step to avoid fall into toxic and destructive intimate relationships. Don’t fall for trends, penis, vaginas, or what society dictate. You want real love, don’t fake yourself.

Are you looking for a penis/vagina or a real man/woman?

Have a lovely week!


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28 comentários

      1. I don’t think I’ve ever dated any woman who was attracted to me because of my dick (although I prefer Mr. Tips). Anyway, I think what you’re really saying is that a relationship is deeper than just the sensation caused by genitals. True – I agree 100%.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Olá Ricardo,

      obrigada pelo comentário e pelo link que deixaste e que li com satisfação.

      Sobre Kant: “Quem sabe satisfazer seus impulsos é inteligente; quem os domina é sábio.“ e “Mesmo a mulher mais sincera esconde algum segredo no fundo do seu coração.“

      Duas citações que nos fazem pensar que quando nos deixamos levar pelos nossos instintos animalescos, fazemos pobres escolhas na vida e para a vida. E que, afinal de contas, não é saudável que contemos todos os nossos segredos para quem se relaciona connosco intimamente. Não porque queremos enganar ou esconder, mas porque temos o direito à nossa privacidade. A lealdade do ser humano não é quantificada pela quantidade de segredos que revela, mas pela capacidade de ser e estar mesmo quando o meio envolvente lhe pede, ou nos pede fuga.

      A sexualidade, a sexualidade é parte integrante do indivíduo e como Freud muito bem explicou na sua época, a sexualidade não tem qualquer tipo de relação com a nossa identidade. A identidade do indivíduo foi criada pela sociedade em que nos inserimos e não pela nossa predisposição interior. Além disso, a própria satisfação sexual é muito mais cerebral que genital, vejamos como homens e mulheres reagem, por exemplo, quando o parceiro ou parceira os atiça com mensagens durante o dia ou com um simples flirt. O poder da imaginação em força que dinamiza a verdadeira libido.

      O que terá mais peso: o coito em si, ou o simples acto de fazer o outro se sentir importante e querido?

      Questões pertinentes que aqui deixo.

      Desejo-te uma óptima semana 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. 13.12 centimeters in length and 11.66 centimeters in circumference in erection. It is 9.16 centimeters long and 9.31 centimeters in circumference at rest. Finally, the mist that enveloped the mystery of male dimensions (and above all that relating to how to measure the organ: in erection, flabby, in stretching? At room temperature, from prone, from supine?) Has cleared. We have a shared standard. A reference measure obtained by analyzing, for the first time in the history of andrology, over 15 thousand penises worldwide. The work, just published in the British Journal of Urology International, could “reassure most men,” according to the authors, “that the size of one’s penis is perfectly normal.” A fixed nail which, according to some estimates, concerns 45% of the male population. And that sometimes, from mere concern, can turn into a real disease: it is the so-called dysmorphophobia, or the fear that arises from a distorted vision of one’s external appearance

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Giancarlo,

      Thank you for your commentary!

      You brought to the table one interesting topic to discuss, penis length and sexual pleasure has been a taboo for a very long time. But the truth is my article doesn’t talk about sexual organs directly, but the unconscious choices we make in relationships based on physical traits and hormones.

      Anyway, you gave me a good idea for one article. Does the size matter when we talk about pleasure?

      Have a lovely week!



    1. Thank you so much for your commentary!

      It is my personal opinion that there is a profound need to talk about these topics without fear or shame. Society requires education in all areas for citizens to navigate safely within emotional confusion in today’s world.

      I am glad you liked my post!

      Have a lovely week! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Well, I would be looking for a real man but I haven’t been too proactive lately as whenever I go to a bar or spend sometime on a dating app, it will shock me how superficial most of the guys are.
    So honestly, it is better to be single & happy than miserably chasing love 😀
    In my country, the worst thing is that all of the gay dating options are about one night stands and there is no place or platform where those who want something more could meet. Like I don’t have any issues with those who only want to have one night stands but I really think it would be time to open a bar/ creating an app for those who are not like that. Just for the sake of our own mental health before we drown into the constant flow of unwanted dickpics.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Mark,

      I love your commentary!

      Although dating apps are the new trend to find love, the traditional way of meeting people and maybe find love is what works the best. Dating apps are made to addict your mind to the virtual reality that you have many options waiting for you if your relationship went wrong. Men and women are becoming lazy when it comes to working in their relationships, preferring to walk away and find a new mate. The task of love someone is too frightening for most individuals today.

      The more you know what you want, the more you will succeed even though if it seems a lonely journey to go. I don’t have sex with a man unless we have a relationship, not because I am the last cookie in the earth, but because I value who I am and my vagina. Although I understand why people have a one-night stand, that doesn’t work for me at all.

      The amount of people who use dating apps and wants real connection or a long term relationship is small. You should be careful when using a dating app because this place is the favorite tool for all kinds of emotional predators. You will find there many men there that have avoidant attachment style, or high narcissistic traits.

      You can find good people at the gym, through friends, or even in places where you share tastes (art galleries, yoga classes, sports clubs).

      I would like you to read the three articles below, and have a lovely Sunday 🙂

      View at


      1. Hi Alexandra,

        I love your reply and apologies for the late answer (had a crazy weekend – in the good sense of the word haha)

        You are absolutely right about dating apps! It is indeed a really superficial and addictive world that many people visit just for seeking reassurance or just because – as you said – it is so addictive.

        One thing that I have noticed on dating apps is that one keeps seeing the same people – people that have been there for ages and when you text them, they will either tell you that you are not their type or they will not even respond to your messages. And well, at the beginning this used to have a terrible effect on my mental health because I thought there was something wrong with me but over the years, I have learnt to be confident of myself and I have realized that the reason behind their behaviour is not the fact that I am not goodlooking enough or that I am not fun enough but simply the fact that they may be scared to start a new chapter in their lives cause they are just simply…addicted to dating apps and a certain lifestyle. I know this may sound like an overthought idea of a desperate gay guy but I really do not think it is…..

        Same here! One night stands are not for me – and honestly, they have never been. I do not judge the people who are into these things as I think we are all different and that’s what makes the world a beautiful place but I am the type of person who really needs an emotional connection….

        And well, as for meeting people through friends or at other places – that is what I have been doing for sometime and I do agree with you that it works much better than dating apps! 🙂 The only thing that makes it more difficult is that there are a lot of gay guys in my country who are not open about their sexuality so of course, my options are pretty limited. ( It would be a pretty long story to tell what our society works like here but in a nutshell, it is like having parallel societies – the open-minded upper and upper middle class of the capital where guys are openly gay and pretty much all know each other – as there are not many of us – and the rest of the country that is still pretty socially conservative)

        Love the articles you have sent me! And you actually gave me a very good idea – I was having a kind of writers block but I think the next topic I will write about is my experiences on gay dating apps!

        Obrigadooo 🙂

        Tenha um bom dia ❤

        Liked by 1 person


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