Are you looking for a penis or a real man?
Perhaps, this is the most unbearable shocking question that we should ask ourselves before consider going into the dating world.
Why should we ask this to ourselves? What is the difference between the penis and man, or vagina and woman? What is our conscience or protocol to find a mate? Do we want a partnership or a “situationship”? What sex means for us, and when is the right timing to have sex with our new partner?
Are you emotionally available to have a real man or woman in your life? What kind of stories you heard about intimacy? Would people take advantage of you? Do you believe that you can’t fully trust anyone because they will leave you?
The narratives that are in constant replay inside your mind will determine how much success you will have in the dating world and also in life. We all know that everyone says that hookup culture or casual sex is on the rise, that it is hard to find commitment, and no one wants to have a label. But is this true for everyone? Does everyone have commitment phobia or relationship anxiety?
Well, if you want to have a fulfilled and long term relationship, don’t fall for the “dick sand” or “vajayjay sand” trap. Unless you are ok and you want to have sexual intercourse consciously without commitment, don’t fall for it because you will be hurt in the end.
The urgency to find someone just because society says you can’t be on your own will only lead to poor choices and, in most cases, rejecting amazing partners because they don’t give you drama.
So, what is sex?
“Sex is a way of lessening our alienation, isolation, and aloneness by physically connecting with, penetrating or being penetrated by another person at the most primal level of existence. Sex substantiates, humanizes, and incarnates existence. It produces joy, love, comfort, affection, and sometimes ecstasy.“
Sex is one of the center parts of human existence, but also the symbology between birth and death. With sex and procreation, a new cycle of life will begin developing until the day death will come and take your very last breath away.
When we understand that we are mortals, but most importantly, animals with instincts, the more questions related to sex and existence will dissipate.
I believe we have to access our realities before even think the possibility of having someone in our lives. Not only because every individual is at different levels of maturity and emotional development, but because monogamy should always be a topic to discuss in the early phases of dating.
To get to know someone, you should focus your attention on only one person, and never start dating someone after a breakup. Healthy people usually take one year or more to start a new relationship because they don’t have problems with being alone.
A real man or a real woman will be consistent with you through actions, show up by your side when your life is upside down. And don’t give a shit about what other people will think or say. They are looking for the real you and not for your penis or vagina. They will be your teacher, but they also want to be your student.
Personally, I don’t believe in unicorns or fairytales, neither in dramatic Hollywood happy endings. Call me cold, but I like to see myself as a woman who knows what she wants and where she is going. I don’t have sex with one man unless we have an established commitment because let’s be honest, we can have sex with ourselves, so why be in a hurry for less than we deserve?
What I describe in this article and the questions I raise is just the first step to avoid fall into toxic and destructive intimate relationships. Don’t fall for trends, penis, vaginas, or what society dictate. You want real love, don’t fake yourself.
Are you looking for a penis/vagina or a real man/woman?
Have a lovely week!