As I wrote in the article, what babies can teach us about love and life, the world will never cry for the unborn babies but for the ones who don’t have emotionally mature parents to educate, protect and love them adequately. More than subjecting our choices of having or not children to the kinetic society wills, we need to understand whether in our life journey if we have reached the level of maturity to put in this world. Someone so innocent and harmless, who will need us to survive and healthy growth.

Motherhood: Are children for me?

YES!

And for you?

Have a baby, raise a child is more than just the genes perpetuation. It is a self-conscious choice and also the discernment to understand that I want a baby not because I am afraid to be alone. But because have children means I was a good parent and partner for myself, and besides financial security. I know I can provide love, emotional support, and protection.

My life was never a straight line. In fact, the tight curves were the necessary experiences that made me sure around the age of 22 that I wanted to be a mother. Rokitansky and other events made me grow faster and perceive life with another perspective because we evolve and change through hard events in life. And although this may be strange to say, after having my oocyte cryopreservation, I don’t depend on either a timeline or a man to have a family. Being a mother should never be synonymous with despair or fear.

We, women, should never need a man. We should want him and have him in our lives because we love who he is and because we are prepared for a mature loving relationship. We should never get married, have relationships. Or kids because others expect it to happen.

We should think about how we were treated as children, and whether the child that still exists within us is hurt. What do we need to be happy for real? Cars, houses? Jewelry and a sexy man waiting for us in bed? Do we need to hear from others the typical question: “Oh, you are getting old, will you have kids?”

I am thirty-five years old, but internally, my organs are fifteen years younger, which is amazing. And one of the things my doctor told me, and he is like a father for me, that we should never put our lives on hold because of somebody else’s whim. Of course, I want to have a traditional family and make the motherhood journey with someone I do love and love me back in a mature way. But if life has given me other options and because I am sure of what my goals are, I will never put my life and dreams on hold for anyone. As an example, the actress Cameron Diaz had her first daughter at the age of 47.

Date consciously and date your peers, men or women, who have the same sight direction as you do. People who do desire the same life, and can stand by your side during the good times but also the challenge moments. Your kids and your future family will thank you for that. As I said, have a baby is more than spread our genes, is have a human being who will need the best of you to succeed and survive in this amazing, but at the same time crazy world.

We don’t need golden or scapegoat children. We need children with the necessary tools to become healthy adults, and that depends on us, parents, to give them all of that.

With love,

Alexandra

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14 comentários

    1. Percebes, crês e achas bem. Tudo o que escrevo, ou grande parte do escrevo, vem não só de instrução académica como da experiência de vida. Sendo esta última factor determinante para que nos coloquemos na pele do outro e consigamos ver o mundo com lentes reais e não cor-de-rosa.
      Uma grande percentagem dos relacionamentos entram em desequilíbrio pela ausência de maturidade emocional em um dos lados, e inactividade para educar-se correctamente. Ter filhos para mim sempre foi, e continua a ser algo de muito importante. Este texto é a forma como percebo a maternidade e trazer a este mundo crianças.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Your blog is fascinating. And this post was refreshing! I really agree with all of your reasoning about having kids or not. It’s great to see people carefully considering all of these aspects.

    “Oh, you are getting old, will you have kids?”

    I’ve heard of people being asked these questions! People who would say things like that must be toxic people, I cannot imagine it. Not only is it so dis-compassionate but to pressure people into doing those things is terrifying and dangerous.

    Anyway, I have to agree with the power of not needing a man for having kids :). Women have that extra natural time pressure, yet you also shouldn’t compromise when choosing a partner.

    Why are your organs 15 years younger btw? Exercise and healthy living?

    Gostar

    1. Hello Robin 🙂

      Thank you for your commentary!

      Having kids or not having kids was an issue that I had to deal with at the age of fifteen years old due to the rokitansky diagnosis. So as you must imagine and because of these circumstances, I had to adapt myself to this new reality and find ways to overcome obstacles in the long run.
      Anyway, I advise any woman to think about oocyte cryopreservation because it can help us in many ways.

      1. Release us from the pressure of time
      2. It is a way to preserve our fertility
      3. Can help us to be calmer when entering a new relationship
      4. In cases of cancer and reproductive system removal, it is a good way to ensure the possibility of having children (through surrogacy, for example)
      4. We shouldn’t limit ourselves and think about what we want, always.

      Once again, thank you for your commentary and you are always welcome to come here 🙂

      Have a lovely day! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, wow, that’s a big thing to have to think about at 15! I guess you had to grow up a little faster. I googled rokitansky actually after I saw you mention it.

        See your view of this is very logical! A logical approach to a deeply emotional subject. I can imagine some people could feel intimidated at confronting it so bluntly. Others may agree with the logic, but not feel so strongly as to take action. But there will be others who will find your thoughts useful, so it’s great that you’re sharing them through your experiences.

        Ah, your last point there is very relevant for me right now! Theme of my last post.

        Thank you, same to you!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I had to grow up faster and develop my emotional maturity even faster and in one consistent way. I forgot to answer your question. My organs are fifteen years younger than me because of a healthy lifestyle, but also good genes.

        Based on my life journey and my personality, I don’t understand all these crazy actions towards life and relationships. And the idea I have is things will only get worse with the next generation because our generation is feeding and teaching that bad behavior is acceptable.

        I will read your post soon 🙂

        Gostar

  2. This is a fantastic post. I totally agree with you comment “Being a mother should never be synonymous with despair or fear.” Those are terrible reasons for having a child. It is clear that when and if you become a mother it will be for the right reasons, and that child will be loved purely and selflessly. Have a lovely day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I must say that your commentary left me with tears. Motherhood, for me, is important, and with or without a partner, I will do it because I do want to have a family and a place to belong. But more than that, I know I have the right competencies to be a great mother and educator.

      Have a lovely day ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Alexandra, I love this post so much. I started dating my husband when I was 22, so I shouldn’t have been surprised when people asked me 5 years later (at my wedding) “When are you having kids?” WT? The question came so often and from so many people (including my doctor) that I started answering with “I can’t have children.” If they felt REALLY bad for asking, I would finish with “oh, I’m physically capable, I just don’t want one.” The universe laughed (and I changed my mind) and we are proud parents to an amazing young adult – but it’s nobody’s business whether or when you have children. THANK YOU for this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh! Thank you so much for this commentary. And I love to know that what I write is meaningful to my readers as it is for me. I don’t have kids at the moment, but I want to have them and raise amazing future adults who will add something beautiful to this world. Of course, I would love to give them a traditional family and a great father, but if I don’t find the right partner for that, I will do it on my own.

      Have a lovely Sunday!

      Big Hug!

      Alexandra

      Gostar

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