After the end of one relationship, or during it, self-involved individuals tend to take all the blame for feeling hurt. And most of the time, these women or men walk away from relationships having this self-talk: ” Oh my god, I lost something valuable, what’s wrong with me?!”

Before we jump to conclusions about our supposedly erratic behavior, I would like you to answer these questions with me:

  1. My ex-partner called me too sensitive because I reacted to his bad behavior and called him or her out? 
  2. He or she used to nag me because of the way I look or the way I dress?
  3. Did I caught him or her having flirtatious conversations in social media, and then I got blamed because of my natural reactions towards it? 
  4. Did I felt that he or she was always insecure and with anxiety around me? 
  5. Was he or she present, or was I living one side relationship with “boyghostfriend” or “girlghostfriend”? 

Human relationships are complex, but more than try to understand bad or unacceptable behavior from others, there is a deep need to recognize that individuals defined by psychology as empaths or highly sensitive are real. Those are the ones who will at first take all the blame for the hurt and the failed relationship. Respect and honor your traits because you have a gift. The gift of empathy, the gift of being your authentic self, and please do not date confused people that play hot and cold games or are emotionally unstable.

Not all relationships will pass the test of time, not because you aren’t unlovable, but because some people don’t educate themselves to love another human being and think that passion will lead them to the right partner. Men and women spend years of their lives in relationships waiting and hoping that their partner will see and value them. While others give up at the first adversity, thinking that the next person will fulfill their internal void.

Instead of taking all the blame over a failed relationship, reboot your perspective, and understand that it takes two to dance the tango. Take a deep breath because sooner or later, the right partner will cross your path. You deserve so much more than breadcrumbs of affection and love, so please, never settle for less when you can have so much more.

My personal life quote for you:

Don’t waste oceans of love and tenderness over people that only want mountains!

With Love,

Alexandra

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24 comentários

  1. “Not all relationships will pass the test of time”. This is very true, and it has a lot to do with where you are in your life. Some talk of childhood sweethearts, which I can’t understand. Like wine, people evolve over time and change from what – or who – they used to be.

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  4. Eu já estive num relacionamento desse tipo e ele acabou. Foi difícil, mas eu superei. Lógico, não antes de haver passado por todas as fases descritas nesse texto. A lição foi de aprendizado e hoje me sinto mais forte!

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    1. É muito importante passarmos por todas as fases pós terminar uma relação para não existirem pontas soltas. Contudo, e por experiência própria, parece que existem pessoas que não só não fazem o luto daquilo que lhes compete como anos após terminar a relação vêm tentar chatear a malta. Enfim… haja paciência!

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      2. A Margarida tem já vários livros públicos e costuma escrever regularmente na Visão. Gosto da forma como aborda os temas indo directamente ao assunto e mostrando como é a realidade da grande maioria dos relacionamentos. Precisamos de facto de gente com os “tomates” no sitio para educar e liderar as massas no sentido do caminho saudável.

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  5. “and please do not date confused people that play hot and cold games or are emotionally unstable.”

    I love your dating advice! I have to agree. Once I learned about empaths etc and that I am one, it helped me to make thoughts like this more concrete. Also, having met more empaths, I’ve realised that they DO exist out there, lol. So no reason to settle for less, as you say.

    Hard to believe people put up with so much in bad relationships 🤷‍♂️. It’s just not worth the time and energy, haha.

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    1. We shouldn’t date individuals who are at some level, confuse or emotionally unavailable because in the long will be painful, and you will do all the work in the relationship. This rule applies to men and women. If you do a quick search on youtube, you can find all sorts of videos teaching people how to play games, which is unhealthy!

      Some people spend a lot of time in bad relationships because they want to rescue the first months of the relationship, where everything was amazing and great.
      A great relationship requires hard work, and most of us prefer to start dating someone new than look at bad behavior. Too hot, too soon is never a good sign when it comes to intimate relationships because they want you to validate them, and when they got you hooked the fade phase starts to happen, and this the moment when you start to sweat to gain their attention and love back.

      Run away from these situations! 🙂

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      1. “you can find all sorts of videos teaching people how to play games”

        😨😨😨! No way… that goes without saying that it’s unhealthy! Oh god. I agree with you, dating is a critical period when certain conditions need to be right.

        “and most of us prefer to start dating someone new”

        I can easily imagine that. It is hard to find people who even maintain attention in conversations, and have patience in general. And you are dead right about too hot, too soon! I realise I have been there a few times now, due to being overly optimistic whilst in unstable circumstances (which is most of my adult life 😆). But I have learnt my lesson.

        You speak a lot of truth! I’m glad I found your blog 👍😁.

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      2. Dating has become a daunting critical period, mostly because of how people date today. People don’t date anymore and don’t want labels. They go with the flow, and after the hormonal period is gone, the nightmare begins leading many relationships to break up without giving it a chance.

        All those dating apps and bad behavior associated with it only made dating scene more difficult for individuals who knows what they want. You have many dating coaches on youtube teaching men and women how to play games, and that is so wrong. Lot’s of men and women jump from one relationship to another without seeking professional help, thinking that a new partner is salvation for their emotional problems and subconscious unmet needs. Attachment style theory explains this so well and can help us to overcome toxic attraction towards unstable people. At the end of the day, for people who know what they want, the dating pool will be small, not because you are too picky, but because you don’t want to date more confuse and unsure individuals.

        The best gift I can give is to speak the truth even if that hurts. 😉

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