In today’s article, I would like to deconstruct and destigmatize this idea that we, women, shouldn’t talk about sex and even discuss it openly, not only for empower but also to adjust emotional and physical needs when it comes to sexual intercourse. Sex is one of the ways to bond and attach with our romantic partners, where the production of hormones like oxytocin and dopamine happen to intensify that bond. Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter that is also involved in childbirth, breast-feeding, empathy, and trust. And can also explain and help us to understand why for women, breakups and betrayal are such emotional turmoil.

Either you are in one long-term relationship or having a casual fling, oxytocin will be released anyway. So while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.

Although we are experiencing what we can call an evolutionary civilization where women are achieving more equality and quality balance in areas of life such as education and careers, many are unhappy and feeling unfulfilled in their sexual and relationship matters.

But why this happens? Sexuality remains infused with pressure and shame for many people, who chose to cope with it in one avoidant style to south their anxiety and sexual problems. To explain this, I will give this example. Not long ago, I saw a presentation where a famous psychologist said that women who don’t produce that much lubrification, men will lose interest in pursuing sexual intercourse with them. Which lead me to two questions:

  • If this is true, women who are experiencing menopause, low levels of estrogen because of stress or because they had to remove uterus and ovaries, Vaginismus, Rokystanky, and other sorts of issues. Or no issues at all but just lack of lubrification, can’t have satisfying sexual lives or romantic relationships?
  • Are we choosing the right people to have intimate relationships?

Lack of lubrification happens in any age, to any woman, and it doesn’t necessarily mean or is a synonym of sexual health problems. It can be a rush into sexual intercourse without enough foreplay and can be emotional/sexual unmeet needs inside the partnership or a lack of understanding of how the body works. Either way, you shouldn’t stay in silence and never allow sexual intimacy to become a painful interaction. Both you and your partner must enjoy sex, and none of you should be the martyr to satisfy the other. And please, I urge you, seek professional help in your location that will provide the necessary tools and information to cope with your situation.

How Lubricant can transform your sexual life?

  1. Lubricant makes women and men’s genitals more erotically sensitive
  2. It can help offset some issues that affect your natural lubrification
  3. Decrease painful friction
  4. There are lubes designed exclusively if you have a sensitive vagina
  5. Because you have to use artificial lubricant it doesn’t make you less of a woman
  6. Lubrification introduce new sensations during sex
  7. It will make your relationship stronger because the right man will work together with you as a team to avoid unnecessary discomfort, but also provide the pleasure that you deserve.

I am thirty-five years old, and I do use lube.

Sexual activities are one of the most amazing things that we can experience in our lives, either alone or with the right partner. I was lucky to born in one family where topics such as sex and everything around it were never a taboo. Sex should always be one healthy experience and never one addiction. Sex is one of the most beautiful ways that we express our inner nature, so why should we feel shame about it? Why should we remain in silence when that experience is unpleasant?

Because the other person might run away and blame you because you couldn’t lubricate? Then the question should be, why I need this relationship or this person?

Vaginal dryness isn’t just for older women but can become a real issue that will interfere with your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Note: Men who experience discomfort with the usage of condoms can apply lube in the glans before the insert of the condom, which will increase sensations and normal sensitivity during sex.

Have a wonderful weekend,

Alexandra

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15 comentários

  1. Oh, how I wish more people would “deconstruct and destigmatize” the idea that women shouldn’t talk about and discuss sex. It amazes/saddens/infuriates me that we live in a society where women STILL aren’t supposed to have sex outside of marriage – that men are still regulating women’s bodies/access to birth control and abortion, that men still think of women as being of two types – the ones you have sex with and the ones you marry. uggggh. Sorry. off my soapbox now. Thanks for the post

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We are facing a period where frustration is hitting the limit. The problem begins when women and men start relationships with people they don’t even know. Some think that sex will sustain the entire relationship when, in reality, it is a deeper understanding of who we are that sustain an intimate relationship.

      Before we have sex with somebody else, we should consider what sex means to us. And if the person we chose is worthy of sharing our body. Personally, for me, flings or one night stands are crap. Because what I want is a meaningful connection and a long term relationship.

      Thank you for your commentary!

      Hug!

      Alexandra

      Gostar

  2. Esse é definitivamente um dos temas mais necessários de se discutir e ao mesmo tempo mais difíceis de falar. Muitos homens tem que lidar com isso sem saber como, mas geralmente, escolhem a forma errada. Não há mal nenhum em usar lubrificantes (aliás, pode melhorar muito) e conversar pode resolver problemas desse tipo (aliás, pode melhorar muito), mas a maioria dos homens não sabem ou não querem saber lidar com isso.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. É importante compreender uma coisa, nós mulheres, não estamos disponíveis sexualmente com facilidade. O ímpeto para ter sexo com um homem acontece primeiramente a nível emocional, se esse homem está a preencher as nossas necessidades emocionais e se é um parceiro na verdadeira essência da palavra. A lubrificação não é sinónimo de excitação. Existem mulheres que lubrificam sem estarem excitadas e outras que estando excitadas não conseguem lubrificar.

      Convém interiorizar também que as nossas flutuações hormonais (estrogénio e progesterona assim como a testosterona) influenciam também a nossa vontade de ter relações sexuais. Por exemplo, quando estamos perto de um homem que tem baixa testosterona não sentimos apelo para ter relações sexuais com ele. Por outro lado, quando a mulher tem trauma de vinculação pode ficar fortemente excitada na presença daqueles tipos de homens que não querem assumir compromisso. Estranho, eu sei, mas real. Por isso, identificamos casos de inúmeros homens e mulheres que embora no papel queiram ter uma parceira ou parceiro com determinadas características. Na vida real se esta pessoa surgir será considerada um pessoa aborrecida quando comparada com aquelas ou aqueles que são considerados não disponíveis/misteriosos.

      Portanto, o essencial é educar as pessoas para o que é saudável!

      Liked by 1 person

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