More than burying your head in the sand, wasting months and years of your life with men that will never see you, I challenge you to take the reins of your existence. I challenge you to look after your subconscious wounds and run away from men that will add nothing to your existence or well being.

There are women and men, although this article is for women, despite all the toxic signals being visible. They live within a specie of confusion and blindness bubble, where the acceptance for the unacceptable is the new norm.
The euphoria of a new possible relationship and the intoxicating hormonal cocktail can blind women leading them to unnecessary drama and unhealthy relationships. But also warn them that they need to love themselves more.

If you are looking for a serious relationship and someone to share your life with, please run away as fast as you can, from this type of men:

  1. The man who talks about sex on the first date and asks you to send him, or send you naked pictures or pornography.
  2. The man who appears and disappears: How frustrating don’t you think? Well, this guy doesn’t want anything from you but have you as a backburner in case his other options are unavailable. 
  3. The man who has social media harém: his self-esteem is regulated by the number of faces, conversations, and dates with women.
  4. The mister muscle, work, cars, and money: he uses all this as a marketing campaign all over social media to call attention. And if he loses all this, he doesn’t know who he is.
  5. The man who doesn’t have time for you: If he never has time for you even at the beginning of the relationship, accept that this man has other priorities.
  6. The mama’s boy: They can be good friends, but terrible intimate partners. Although it might be amazing to see your boyfriend or partner close to his mother, the problem begins when their relationship has enmeshed contours. A romantic relationship is doomed to suffer and failure if he relies too heavily on his mother, whether it is approval or emotional support. And believing it or not, his mother will compete and be jealous of you. For that reason, and because no one can measure up to her self-image and standards, you will be the one that will be out of the game, sooner or later.
  7. The Lier.
  8. The man who has a crazy Ex: It can be true or a lie. Look at if he takes his part of the responsibility for the relationship failure.
  9. The passive aggressive man: look at how he face life challenges and how he reacts when you express your needs. Does he pull away from you? Do you feel inexpressive anger from his side?
  10. The man who is addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, and games: Many women are attracted to problematic men because they think their love will cure them.
  11. The man who knows it all.
  12. The selfish and the victim: Everything is about him and even the world his against him.
  13. The man who never answer your messages or questions
  14. The eternal irresponsible child/Peter Pan Syndrome
  15. The Alpha Male: Exists exceptions, but the typical alpha male will confidently speak to a woman he found attractive in a bar and may make a woman feel feminine and desired. These men, however, tend to go for women who are their subordinates or are younger so they can always feel more powerful.
  16. The man who is jealous and wants to control you: They will perform jealous scenes worthy of Hollywood, will criticize the mini skirt that you wear, or withhold intimacy from you, making you starving for his crumbs of affection and physical contact.

Be it in the real or virtual world. The naked truth is that you need and deserve a man who is willing to be entire with you. It is possible to have a mentally healthy partner, even if he is imperfect, he will be able to love you and receive your love in return.
What causes you indignation, sadness, frustration, and repulse in masculine behaviors are clear signs that you should hear and evacuate yourself from the situation. Don’t forget your core values, don’t let your inner self go along with spiritual poverty, and never stop living.

Get away from you the type of men that has a warning sign in the head, and the clear message, that you should love yourself more. Your mission, as a woman, is to live your love story within yourself first. When this happens, your attraction towards bomb men will fade away, loneliness won’t scare you anymore, and you will attract a new world of healthy prospective partners.

Fortunately, there are plenty of men who are great to get to know, talk, date, get married and LOVE!

Have a lovely weekend!

Alexandra

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-and-mating/201709/reasons-not-date-attractive-masculine-man

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/201907/do-you-keep-dating-the-same-type-person

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202003/why-you-keep-attracting-unavailable-partners

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  2. Very Apt!
    Funny enough, I have met all these men & dumped them before they even know they were dumped!
    Imagine recently, the man I was having a virtual relationship online because of distance asked me if I am ready to get married right now. I asked where is this coming from? Is someone putting pressure on you? To which he replied that it has been 5years since his divorce and he is approaching 40 but have no child. And he is not getting any younger. I told him he doesn’t need marriage for kids, he can get a surrogate or agree with a woman around his area to give him a child.
    Since then, he stopped chatting with me.
    Imagine having a virtual relationship with a man who wants to marry you for only the purpose of giving him a child because he is not getting any younger.
    I laughed at my own stupidity for agreeing to have that kind of relationship at all. I blamed it on boredom.

    So I am only good and useful to a man because I have a womb? Wow! When it comes to intimate relationships, I guess life is so unfair to me😆😆😆
    I have plenty of memories to laugh about when I grow old and withered honestly 🤣🤣

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    1. Thanks for your commentary!

      However, I have some considerations that I should point out. From your description, I don’t think the man you had an online relationship fits any of these 16 types of unhealthy men, seems, at least for me, he is the type of man that is using online dating as a form to find a partner to get married again and have kids.

      My question for you is, why you agreed to have a relationship with this man when you knew right from the start you wouldn’t go to see him in person or possibly move to his area?

      Even if I don’t agree with his ghosting thing towards you, because we have to tell people always the truth and how we feel, and he felt he couldn’t pursue any longer the relationship with you. It is his right to find a suitable partner to have a family. The more we focus on what we want, the better. Personally, I want to have a family, do you think I will waste time with a partner who doesn’t want the same? No one should waste their time with someone who doesn’t want the same, and politely should tell them that they will leave the relationship because they want to follow and accomplish their dream, which in this case is to have a family.

      “So I am only good and useful to a man because I have a womb?”: This is how you think about yourself?

      “When it comes to intimate relationships, I guess life is so unfair to me”: Maybe it is time for you to find out why are you attracting the wrong type of man and find out if you are available to have a relationship with a real man.

      Think about this.

      To close my reply to you, I suggest, if you want, to search for information about attachment style and find out which is yours. I am sure it will be helpful in the future for you and your romantic relationships.

      Have a lovely weekend!

      Alexandra

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    1. My first question for you is: how do you feel? How do you feel about yourself, the situation you are living, and what are dreams for the future? Write the answers on a paper and allow yourself to change your answers as time goes by.

      About therapy, what you are feeling is normal. Because the more we share, the more other things will surface because they were somehow in the subconscious mind waiting for this moment. However, YOU ARE ENOUGH because you are alive even with all the problems that might appear in the future.

      Now about dating and undateable men: Do you feel secure enough to start the process of dating someone else? Do you feel ready to be present and show up consistently in future intimate relationships? If your answer is yes, be sure that you know what you want and what you are looking for not letting other’s people confusion, confuse you.
      Some men and women are chronically emotionally broken, while others are only temporarily. I want to believe that everyone can work on themselves and find healthy love. However, it will be a vulnerable moment that requires self-awareness from the man who knows something might be wrong with him.

      I leave here for you four books references that you might like to read:

      Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships by Stan Tatkin

      Rewire your brain for love: Creating Vibrant Relationships Using Science of Mindfulness by Marsha Lucas

      Hormones Brain and Behavior by Donald W Pfaff Professor and Marian Joels

      Attached – How the Science of Adult Attachment Can Help You Find – And Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

      Thank you for questions and I hope that you have a lovely Sunday and new week.

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      1. Wow! I appreciate the long comment! questions: 1) I’ve been changing quite a bit this year. Blogging has been a big help as it allows me to express myself over time. I’m working on tackling the big questions right now. That will take time to clarify as I just started to discuss this last week in therapy. 2) I’m not there yet. I have been there occasionally over time, but not consistently. this has taken a decade to work through because I’ve struggled to find the right help in therapy while navigating the bs american healthcare system. It is what it is. But I’ve never felt “ready” in my life, and I’ve known this since I was a teenager. This has also made friendships hard for me to manage because of my attachment issues. I recently finished “Attached”, and recommend it.

        I will check out those other book resources, and really appreciate your response! Is there any other books you would recommend?

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      2. “Ouso Escrever” is a safe place to help people giving new insights and a fresh way to look at relationships in general. It is my passion. So I am glad to know that I could help you giving the response you needed.

        To find the right therapist can be a challenge because not all are trained correctly to deal with specific situations: Such as Narcissistic abuse, Attachment Styles, Hormones, and how it helps in the recovery process.

        Our society, in general, need to be trained in these situations and to how the human brain works.

        One more good book:

        Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain And Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build A Secure Relationship.

        I also suggest you take a look at the School of Life. They have amazing articles on their website. And I’m only giving you credential references because this is how it should be. You are already finding your way, so don’t give up.

        Thank you for being of my community here. 🙂

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