The Father complex or usually called as “Daddy issues”. First appear in psychology literature with the collaboration between Freud and Carl Jung, as a group of unconscious associations and strong impulses that will affect many spheres of life. Be it positive or negative effects in both males and females because of their father’s influences and presence/absence.

Therefore, and contrary to common thinking or understanding, men can also develop the father complex. Although it can be more visible in women, in one way or another, at some point in our lives, we all had or still have daddy issues.

So let’s dive in how the Father complex can negatively affect your development as a woman: 

  1.  More likely to have sex at an early age and get pregnant. 
  2. Lack of the self-confidence to say no to sexual behavior that makes them feel uncomfortable. 
  3. Use sex and the body as a form to buy love and attention.
  4. Settle for too little or are far too demanding in their relationships.
  5. In the past, to feel loved, she felt that she has to be perfect or nearly perfect to receive the love of her father. 
  6. If she failed or made a mistake, he would ashamed or embarrassed her because it was a blow to his self-esteem and public image.
  7. Her father made her believe that it is a man’s responsibility to make her happy or rescue her from life problems.
  8. When going to the dating market, she will make poor romantic choices because she is like a hungry person who walks into a grocery store. The package is appealing, but the content is like poison to your body.
  9. She is looking for the imaginary alpha male that will fix all boo-boos, and because of that, she will end up often disappointed and angry because of her poor choices.

How the father complex can affect your development as a man:

  1. Disconnection from their own emotions and struggle to create bonds with other people, intimately and platonically.
  2. Development of emotionally unavailable characteristics, or commitment phobia. 
  3. Inability to share authentic and intimate feelings either in romantic or platonic relationships.
  4. Can feel used, resentful, and exploited by women because his father failed to role model how to built and sustain healthy intimate relationships, and his mother has a controlling personality.
  5. Feelings of unsafety in adult intimate relationships because of fears of being judged and abandoned by his partner. 
  6. Resentment and intimacy fears lead them to withhold sex and affection, or manipulative and passive-aggressive behaviors towards their partners.
  7. Rejection of healthy romantic partners because they don’t provide toxic familiarity. 
  8. Too much focus on wealth stability and achievement, decreasing the importance of affection and love.

After this explanation, the question remains: Are you emotionally broken because you had or have The Father Complex? The answer shouldn’t be a yes or no, but how you feel about yourself and your life in general. How much self-awareness you have about your feelings/situation, and if you had or still have in your life someone who healthily did the father figure role.

As I wrote here before, my father personality changed after a severe car accident that he had when I was 9 years old. And after that, he left my mother for another woman, causing severe consequences to the whole family system. My fathering role model was my grandfather from my mother’s side, who died when I was 28, and my brother 21. He was always present in the important events of my life. He taught how to be real, consistent, and present in platonic or intimate relationships. I never had casual sex in my life. I never tried drugs or smoked. Did I make mistakes? Yes, like anybody else. Do I shy away from commitments? No! Do I know what I want? Yes! I’m not a survivor! I am a thriver, and I have a profound dislike for bad behavior and people that play games or string you along.

Honestly, I had all the reasons to be a real bitch, but I made the conscious choice to honor who I am and be proud of all my life story. I was born on the same day that the Wonder Woman character was present to the world. That explains a lot of who I am, at least, for me. 

Don’t let your fears or past unsatisfactory experiences detriment your bright future, and always seek a good professional to guide you through your healing journey.

Life is too short to let other’s confusion or unsure feelings dictate who you are and where you are going. 

With love,

Alexandra

References:

Adams, K.A. (2011). Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners. Deerfield, Fl: Health Communications Inc.

Adams, K.M. (2007) When He’s Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment. New York: Fireside.

Baron, Tessa (2019) Working with Father in Psychoanalytic Parent-Infant Psychotherapy

Baron, Tessa (2009) Relational Trauma in Infancy: Psychoanalytic, Attachment and Neuropsychological Contributions to Parent-Infant Psychotherapy 

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13 comentários

    1. My dear,

      I would say that what I write and my position about the topics I post here can be uncomfortable for some eyes to read. However, when we have the life and scientific knowledge behind it, we have to share because the worst of all blindness is ignorance.

      Thank you for your commentary, and I am happy to share my content on this platform because I know some people will take the message close to their hearts.

      Have a lovely weekend 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Tom 🙂

      Thank you for your commentary!

      I don’t understand why people don’t like Freud’s conceptualizations. He did one amazing work in areas such as sexuality, and unconscious memories, which affect an individual’s behavior. However, the same happened with John Bowlby’s attachment theory, which was ridiculed by other psychologists and psychiatric’s but now is used by many to save intimate relationships and heal people after emotional trauma events.

      One thing I know for sure, no matter what is our area of action, we have to study all the time.

      Have a lovely week 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Very true. The battle against psychoanalysis, including attachment theory which came from its theoretical construct owes its etiology to the medicalization of the field by the American Medical Association early in the fields history.

        See, in Europe anyone could become a psychoanalyst through their own analysis and supervised analysis. This allowed artists, academics, and others into the field. In America, it took a divergent course. After Freud and Jung gave their lectures in the US, the medical practitioners thought this to be too dangerous a method to employ because it ultimately gave people a depth of meaning into their own psyche which makes it harder to control the collective aspects of the psyche they sought to exploit. This is only the tip of the historical iceberg, but the story is rich in its intent. Have you seen the film A Dangerous Method?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. A Dangerous Method is a movie with Viggo Mortensen as Freud and Michael Fassbender as Carl Jung. And, of course, Keira Knightley as Sabina. I saw this movie three years ago, and I will see it again because I don’t remember the story quite well.

        If we look at our society, I would say that the majority has an asleep brain. Because as you said, the more we know in-depth about how our brain and psyche works, the more it will be harder for someone to control us. Following this reality, few are the people that contest abusive behavior or even pursue other areas of studies to wake up. Needless to say, who speaks up suffer harsh consequences.

        For example, the American psychologist Dr. Ramani has been doing incredible work teaching people what is narcissistic abuse, and how we can overcome it. She has been a victim of online harassment because she is uncovering the hard truth that individuals suffer when dealing with narcissists.

        When you have time, if you didn’t saw it before, watch the movie called The Girl On The Train. The movie explains very well how cognitive dissonance works and why people should worry about covert narcissists and who they are.

        Have a lovely week 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I definitely will watch that movie. There is a lot to be said about the depths of the psyche as soul work, not just brain work. Your article re-sparked an interest I have in exploring the depths of Narcissus, the myth that created the vision behind the diagnosis.

        Gostar

  1. Hi Alexandra,

    Great article (as always) and it’s very informative – thanks for sharing. This has really helped me realize a few things as the relationship that I have with my father is let’s say – pretty complicated.

    After my parents’ divorce my Mum’s boyfriend became like a father for me – which means that I often feel that I have 2 fathers and this can obviously make things a little bit difficult.

    And while reading your article I realized that some of the points you mentioned about how “daddy issues” negatively affect your development actually apply to me.

    Have a lovely week! ❤

    Mark

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Mark,

      Thank you for your commentary!

      If you consider the partner of your mother, your father, that means he has been a great source of consistency and advocating pretty well the father role in your life. And I am glad to know that.
      At some level, more severe or not, we all have daddy issues but is within our hands the power to overcome it through self-awareness and seeking professional help.
      Some men and women had their fathers at home all their lives and still have daddy issues, developing an avoidant attachment style, which is a blockage against vulnerability, closeness, and the threat of abandonment. So as you can see, things are more complex than we think, but everyone can find a way to be healthy and find true happiness.

      Have a lovely week ❤

      Gostar

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