This morning I woke up with emails from my close friends (my phone died) that we are celebrating today single’s day in Portugal. Despite all commercial euphory around these days, the reality is we should celebrate all seasons of life. And accept just because you are single doesn’t mean you are a defective person, but instead, someone who truly knows what requirements are necessary to love someone and sustain a loving emotional, intimate relationship. 

I describe singlehood as an opportunity for self-discovery, self-enhancement, and emotional evolvement in terms of creating a better platform to allow another human walk through the door of intimacy and receiving him or her warmly. 

Being single can confer a desirable degree of independence and come with strong and intimate friendships and family relations (Spielmann et al., 2013). 

In sum, the fear of being single can lead people to settle for less ideal romantic partners and less ideal relationships (Spielmann et al., 2013). It is a sad paradox because the fear of being alone will set individuals with great qualities to accept breadcrumbing intimate relationships and emotionally unhappy. 

I love to have and know that I have someone by my side, my person. But also, I do enjoy being single and have time to date myself after the ending and the loss of one intimate connection. At this stage of my life, I do want, and I enjoy being single, which means taking a period of withdrawal from the dating world or sexual contact with the opposite sex.

Be happy, be you! 

Alexandra

References:

Anderson, C., & Stewart, S. (1994).  Flying solo: Single women in midlife. New York: W. W. Norton.  

Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin117, 497-529.  

Spielmann, S. S., MacDonald, G., Maxwell, J. A., Joel, S., Peragine, D., Muise, A., & Impett, E. A. (2013). Settling for less out of fear of being single. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology105, 1049-1073.

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