Much is said and written about love, relationships, and women’s empowerment. However, it seems convenient to disregard sex and make it a profanity, but also hide the biological role that both women and men assume in society.

A long time ago, back to our paleolithic and neolithic ancestors, we can find clear evidence that women never had a passive familiar and domestic role, quite the opposite. Women were responsible for feeding the family, and in Australia, for example, paintings, handicrafts, and manufacturing weapons were found with female authorship. This scenario for centuries was hidden, with the proposal to keep women in a submission role. But also enhance the idea that women needed men to survive.

Now, talking about sex, it wasn’t a taboo at the time. Cave paintings and rock-art show us that masturbation and also the existence of practicing sex in different positions was normal and recurrent without forgetting that it was women who used to chose their sexual partners. Like it happens in the animal kingdom with other species.

So what changed? Until the agriculture discovery, not all males were able to mate and breed. Thus, after the agriculture discovery and the need to settle in a certain area to survive. The man of that time realized the need to ensure that his descendants belonged to him exclusively. How he did it? With the introduction of monogamy. In fact, if we think about it without hypocrisy, we, women, having a limited number of eggs, want to have children with the man who presents us with the better genes. Hence I mention that not all men at the time were able to mate and procreate, and monogamy was a way of ensuring offspring.

Women throughout history have always played an important role within society, even though that role was considered passive. And never be considered the weaker gender.

I love men! I love how amazing friends and lovers they can be and how much input they can insert into our lives. The moment we show appreciation and respect towards a man is the moment the door open to another relational dynamic, the dynamic of you and me are equal, and we need each other to balance the world.

Human sexuality, rich and beautiful, should never be camouflaged by the control of theories and religions that deny the importance of sex for an individual’s mental and physical health. Labels or categories won’t bring freedom. Instead, bring more emotional slavery, comparison, and unhappiness. For example, Polyamory is the most artificial concept created and not the solution for a floundering relationship. And this is the reason why we should not only understand our biology but also create our style of loving and communicate it properly. We have a richer relationship with someone when we focus our attention, and we are consistent. Our brains aren’t wired to deal with multiple choices all the time. I’m sorry to disappoint you.

Sexual freedom goes hand in hand with erotic intelligence. And we have an important role in liberating our male partners from the pressure of being God’s in bed. We shouldn’t compare our orgasm ability to our female friends. We should accept that we might love someone and perhaps have sexual desire for another. It is ok to talk about our sexual needs and how to express them.
Sexual freedom is when you talk not only open about sex but also the way you can connect and explore your body. Erotic intelligence is the key, I would say, to a more fullied relationship with yourself and the ones you love. It is the key to build oxytocin with your partner after the five-year relationship mark because oxytocin tends to disappear and testosterone to increase (the need to seek unboring pleasure).

In times of so much online interactions and technology trance, we need emotional educators, people who are emotionally free from lobbies and patriarchal ideas. We need to educate our children and set them free from intoxicating ideologies and behaviors. We need people who are real people and women who can lead and show the way. Forgetting unnecessary and outdated feminism by rescuing the art of sensuality, and embrace the power that they can choose who they want, when, where, and how. And the lives they want to live also by stop being the Instagram shelf women. 

As Ashley Montagu said: “It is the function of women to teach men how to be human”. Men needs words of encouragement as we need water to survive, think about it.

With love,

Alexandra

References:

MCGLONE, M. S., A.). ANDERSON, AND R. N. HOLDAWAY
1994 An ecological approach to the Polynesian settlement of New Zealand, in The Origins of the First New Zealanders: 136-163, ed. D. G. Sutton. Auckland, New Zealand: Auckland University Press.

Marazziti D., Canale D. Hormonal changes when falling in love. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2004;29:931–936. doi: 10.1016/j.psyneuen.2003.08.006.

Laurent H., Powers S. Emotion regulation in emerging adult couples: Temperament, attachment, and HPA response to conflict. Boil. Psychol. 2007;76:61–71. doi: 10.1016/j.biopsycho.2007.06.002.

De Boer A., Van Buel E.M., Ter Horst G.J. Love is more than just a kiss: A neurobiological perspective on love and affection. Neuroscience. 2012;201:114–124. doi: 10.1016/j.neuroscience.2011.11.017.

Bräuer G, Mellars P, Stringer C (1989) The Human Revolution: Behavioural and Biological Perspectives on the Origins of Modern Humans (Princeton Univ Press, Princeton, NJ), pp 123–154

Larnach SL, Macintosh NWG (1970) The Craniology of the Aborigines of Queensland (University of Sydney, Sydney, Australia). 

Graphic by Jasmine Pomierski

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7 comentários

    1. Thank you for your commentary.

      As you must understand, all the information I write comes from research I’ve been doing the last couple of years. Even if I use some examples from my journey, it is with an educational purpose and because we learn from examples. Not because I want to make my website a wailing wall.

      All we know now about the human race from the paleolithic and neolithic era, written in the 19 century, was a complete mess. And through the lens of conservativism to diminish the importance of women in society.

      At the end of the article, you have some references for my readings. I think you will enjoy it.

      Have a great weekend! 🙂

      Gostar

  1. Wonderful exploration of an important topic, Alexandra. I am all about the sexual liberation of women. I like encourage and support the sexual awakening of women and try to provide emotional support so they feel safe to experience the fullness of their sexuality as I experience mine.

    Gostar

    1. Hello Michael,

      Thank you for your commentary 🙂

      From my perspective, both women and men need sexual liberation. The percentage of males who suffer from sexual performance anxiety is high, and women who can’t achieve orgasm or have sexual discomfort during intercourse is also high.
      Women are more sexual than men, and one of the reasons why I am saying this is because our clitoris has 8000 nervous extremities, double when compared with the penis. And this can lead to another conclusion why so many women don’t want oral sex or avoid receiving oral sex. Some men don’t know how to give pleasant and exciting oral sex to their partners.

      All this new old fashion wave of feminism is detrimental to womanhood, but also our intimate relations with men. I tried to explain based on historical facts that women always had an important role in society, but also when it comes to choosing a male partner. We are the ones who choose. Sometimes we choose badly, but it’s because we didn’t have someone who could teach us what relationships are and what we should do when facing challenges.

      We don’t need labels or hide information. We need to remember women and men where is the right place for them, and what they can bring into this world together.
      If a couple is facing sexual problems, and even single individuals, they should look for professional advice, not from their peers or family.

      Gostar

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