Unfortunately and without joking, people desperately want to feel chemistry and connection. But, in reality, like anything in life, deeper relationships develop over time with consistency and realness, surprisingly without fireworks.
Like cognitive neuroscience teach us, when it comes to intimate relationships, we should choose “boring” and not “over the top” candidates. Not because we are picky or mean, but because “the spark” isn’t necessarily a good thing or a reliable source of information if someone will be the right partner for you. “Chemistry” is a cocktail of lust and danger that wrings the dopamine out of your neurotransmitters.
In the video below from School of Life, they explain why we tend not to feel that spark and attraction for individuals who check all the boxes we want in a partner. Sadly, we tend to chose what seems to be familiar because unfamiliarity scares us and can hurt our subconscious mind. We can indeed live incredible love stories with many people and only build a life with a few, but aren’t we losing stable, adorable, and amazing women and men in our lives because of fear? That we are losing our ability to concentrate on what is substantial and fundamental? Aren’t we most of the time following the same dramatic narrative, which only creates more tension and anxiety and block us from real connections? Think about this.
Never confuse anxiety for attraction and never prioritize chemistry over character.
Wishing you a lovely week!