To think about relationships, we have to also think about attachment and the necessity to bond and be close to other people. But should we care and hear what everyone has to say or think about us? The answer is no! I’m not saying that we should isolate ourselves, but we are living times where even though some individuals call themselves independent, they live their experiences and life based on what others will think or say.
Let’s look back in human evolution and history. Before the agricultural revolution, people used to live in small communities as a survival mechanism, and for a matter of fact, what others would do or say, would matter. They would grow up surrounded by the same tribe, same people, and of course, the necessity to maintain a good relationship with them was pivotal.
But now, in the twenty-one century, do we need that? Aren’t we freer to choose what or not to accept from others and life in general?
The reality is our brain still has the same characteristics as our ancestors and isn’t adapted to live in this modern world. For this reason:
- We give the same importance to virtual relationships as we give to real-life relationships.
- We seek approbation, reputation, and applauds on social media from others.
- Rejection ignites the same brain circuits responsible for identifying physical pain.
- We can pause a youtube video but not one emotion.
- All this involves an emotional and unconscious process, so we can’t control it, but we can always change how we experience it through the gain of awareness.
All the scenarios above send children, young adults, and even adults to therapy offices because of anxiety, depression, and emotional rumination.
What can we do to change the situation? Remember, we can’t control emotions, but we can, and we should choose how to act on them.
- Think about life as being in one arena, and you are the principal actor or actress of your story.
- Ask yourself, does it really matter what other people think or say about me? My life will change or end because of what they might say or do?
- Understand that vulnerability means you carefully chose who you let to know your shameful stories, but also your inner self. Trust should be earned and not giving away like feathers.
- In time, it will be hard for you to remember who criticized you because what counts aren’t your critics, but your actions and if you are living your life purpose.
In your life journey, people will try to sabotage your path. Criticize your words, but mostly your actions. Chose wisely your tribe because your tribe will never feel or see your strength and kindness as a threat. Be proud of your achievements, celebrate who you are, and don’t let somebody else lack of resiliency and frustration dictate how (YOUR) life and human experience should be.
With Love,
Alexandra
Ouso Escrever 
i feel many people need and want to have their life validated. if not, then why do people care about how many “likes: and or “followers” they have on social media? it is their way to get the “love” and or “attention” they did not receive when younger. we are in the “me” and only “me” time.
though i agree with what you say. in practice, i feel there are too many out there who are broken and they are not being fixed and just continue to be lead by their “likes” and “followers.”
GostarLiked by 1 person
Hello there 🙂
Thank you for your commentary!
I agree with what you said. And I would add what Instagram platform is then just a place for seeking validation? It has become a human and trips window shopping. Of course, some individuals use it for professional matters, but a large percentage of users use it to show how amazing their lives are. Reflection of truth? Or a reflection of insecurities and desire to be seen?
People might ask why we blame social media. The reality is like I explained in the article. Our brains still have the same morphology or characteristics as the brains of our ancestors. Even though we live in an advanced society, our brain isn’t ready to face it. Social media team producers know very well human needs because they have psychologists working with them. So they create a vicious cycle for brain functioning and the proper environment for the development of shallow relationships.
Now, add the attachment style of everyone, but mostly, who have an insecure attachment, and you got the formula to how and why social media is so addictive.
” i feel there are too many out there who are broken and they are not being fixed and just continue to be lead by their “likes” and “followers.”: You feel it correctly, unfortunately!
Have a lovely day!
GostarGostar
🙂
GostarGostar
So many amazing lessons in what you’ve written, especially for young adults. Most of us learn this stuff the hard way.
GostarLiked by 1 person
Hello Joshua,
As you must realize, toxicity has become the new norm. By toxicity, I mean dismissing relationships because of superficial reasons, never recognizing that they have a problem that needs sealing. Or by engaging in social media through addictive and compulsive behavior, detrimental to mental health. Why does this happen? Lack of fundamental understanding and education. What can you do about all this? To be honest, the only thing you can do is educate yourself and help or educate people who want to receive that. If not, don’t be an emotional sponge for those who don’t know themselves and don’t recognize your virtues.
Have a lovely day 🙂
GostarGostar