We can translate the “maybe” into intermittent reinforcement. Intermittent reinforcement can be described as you receive a cookie one day and then something sour. In this way, people will be inside a loop where their’s brains will try to rescue the feeling of receiving the cookie. That’s women and men sometimes remain so long in the maybe box, waiting and hoping for that feeling, in the beginning, to come back.
I know the alluring beginning of what can be a future relationship is very seductive. But sometimes, the butterflies you feel in your stomach are more about terror than excitement. Maybe there is something aloof about him or her, an attractive mystery. Perhaps they talk with you about a brilliant future together, but then they disappear for a couple of days and never respond to your messages or phone calls. Or what was a brilliant future is now a massive MAYBE in your face.
We shouldn’t wait for the MAYBE to become a YES because of four fundamental things:
1. Wait for someone who isn’t sure it is equivalent to buy a shining house on the outside but with structural problems that will be hard to fix.
When you want to buy a house, a car, do you settle for the “maybe” and “I’m not sure?” I don’t think so.
2. If someone isn’t sure about you, you should be the one who is ready to acknowledge that not only you deserve better. But also, you have the power to walk away from something that will be painful.
3. Avoid the silence cult. When you silent yourself, you allow bad behavior to happen. Stringing someone along or giving false hopes that something else might happen in the future is bad and unacceptable behavior. It doesn’t matter if we are living in the digital social era. We are still human beings. Human beings need to connect, attach or bond, so normalizing toxic behavior is against our biology.
4. The more we educate ourselves. The less we will tolerate bullshit (sorry for the expression) from others.
Western culture in the last two, three decades feeds the sense that everyone should tolerate everything from others. Like everything is ok, and no punishment should be in place. The law system doesn’t protect citizens properly. More and more cases of corruption occur every day. And finally, Intimate relationships are also the reflection of the chaotic atmosphere where a person is discarded whimsically like never before. You don’t fulfill the game, the perfect image. You are out of the league. Simple as that.
So to avoid this altogether, educate yourself for real, not with random self-help books, but with scientific literature about human psychology, brain functioning, and finally, be yourself!
Between grey or sunny days, always be sure to choose what is correct for your stability and emotional well-being.
With Love,
Alexandra
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