As Diamond (1998) described, humans are a highly sexed species compared to other mammals, and perhaps, for this reason, oral sex might be a product of just having pleasure. However, it is well known that in our era, giving and receiving oral sex gives not only a special touch to intimate relationships but also can be an adaptative function. And here is something interesting to share and to know, the “recurrent risk of sperm competition“.
The “recurrent risk of sperm competition” means that the more a man finds his woman attractive, and therefore other men can try to lure her away from the relationship, the more he will want to give her cunnilingus.
Also, when a man is away from his partner for a long period, he tends to ejaculate great amounts of sperm to prevent the risk of raising children from somebody else. Men have always been concerned about making sure that the offspring were theirs because looking at our species evolution and knowing that women have one limited number of eggs to fertilize. For evolutionary and survival reasons, we, women, tend to seek the best partner possible to assure that our offspring will survive with the best possible genes.
Humans are animals. So, Pham and Schackelford (2013) gave us great insight that some human behaviors have an evolutionary function be they conscious or not. However, and as a woman, I can talk. We connect with men throughout our minds and conversations. Sex is what I describe as the strawberry we give to them if they fulfill our intimacy needs.
Sexuality and the act of sex itself are present in our lives since a very early stage. In reality, all of us are the fruits of a sexual act between two people. So why we still have shame talking about sex in an educative and propose way? Why do we try to ridicule the benefits of being able to talk about sex?
Oral sex is more than perform sex out of the standard norm, as cunnilingus or fellatio preludes more than the simply vagina or penis stimulation with the mouth. It requires trust and the understanding of your partner’s body. It implies to be present at the moment, knowing that the clitoris is made with the same tissue of the penis gland but with more than twice of the pleasurable nerve endings that the penis possesses. So do you know how it feels when you left out women’s clitoris from the equation? Can you imagine yourself having sex without your penis? Well, we can’t have sex with you without our clitoris.
How many movies or television series can you remember out of the bat presenting scenes of cunnilingus or fellatio performances?
And do you know why those movies featuring cunnilingus scenes rate NC-17 (NC-17 No children under 17 admitted)and fellatio only NC-13 (No children under 13 admitted)?
Because male sexuality is the norm, female sexuality is the extreme. Interestingly, this leads me to another dimension. The dimension of how ashamed women can be about sex when encountering a partner, having afraid to tell them preferences and tastes in bed.
Oral sex and sex itself is an art, the art of knowing your partner and embrace him or her as your person. To provide oral sex requires from you the ability to know yourself, the capacity to soothe the anxiety of which sexual encounter involves. It is the anticipation of something greater, the anticipation of your climax and surrender of the idyllic mundane pleasures. “Let’s fuck” should never be understood as a detrimental invitation but as a normal reaction from the person who loves you and wants to lavish you in his or her’s love. Dirty talk in the bedroom or outside of it is the pure environment for flourishing love. The ultimate betrayal isn’t that you shared your body with other people, but you involved your life in secrecy, leaving outside the person you shouldn’t.
The purpose of this article, like many others before, is to provide education and emotional freedom. As a woman and human, I love sex, and I do talk openly about it, but I don’t engage in sexual filtration or whatsoever if I don’t like the person. Or I don’t reveal my intimate bedroom matters because what involves another person should remain in the realms of couplehood privacy.
Allow yourself to experience the best sex and life possible, and make sure that you choose the right person to do that with you. More than chasing dangerous excitement or amazing bodies, look for someone who can mirror your necessities by assisting. And “wear your shoes” in times of need.
The art of oral sex is the same as having a fulfilling relationship with your partner. It requires the whole of you to make it work. But also the skill sets to put aside the whimsical industry of self-love because you just know what you want and who you are when dealing with others. Always remember this.
Diamond, J. (1998). Why Is Sex Fun? : Basic Books.
Pham, M. N., & Shackelford, T. K. (2013). Oral sex as infidelity-detection. Personality and Individual Differences, 54(6), 792-795. dos: http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2012.11.034