The persistent idea that everything should flow in love and individuals shouldn’t work to maintain their relationships robs the great opportunity of discovering and forge special, profound bonds with another human being. The request of having chemistry as a synonym of compatibility or long-lasting connection it’s what tears apart couples because chemistry comes from a place of unresolved wounds and partial dementia. Helen Fisher’s book called Why we love, the nature and chemistry of romantic love, points out that in the courtship and dating phase. Our brains are flooded by dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine, which deactivates the prefrontal cortex creating a state of dementia and obsessive thoughts about the object you love.This hormonal cocktail can lead to addiction, the conjugation between dopamine and phenylethylamine. And because of it, it isn’t unusual to observe men or women jumping from one relationship to another when the frenetic feeling of passion is over.

Another aspect we must consider is, we are attracted to what we lack. Or we are attracted to what is familiar, and most of the time, this familiarity pull comes from a place of unresolved wounds.

Example:

  1. We are attracted to what we lack. Let’s say that you are a man who lives up in your head. You will be attracted to women who are great at communicational skills, empathetic, kind, generous, and warm. 

  2. We are attracted to what is familiar, and familiarity comes from a place of wounding. Even if you consciously know that you need a certain kind of partner and end up with them unless you do self-development work. The subconscious mind will overpower your rational thoughts. The subconscious mind and imprint stories will make you feel uncomfortable with what is healthy, making you seek shreds of evidence to sabotage the relationship and return to your comfort zone. 

The reality is when you perceive the other person as attractive, but you don’t feel the intense chemistry, that’s a good sign. It means that it’s safe and healthy to connect.

It means that it’s safe and healthy to connect. The feeling of Butterflies in the stomach is a clear sign of terror and excitement. However, we all know that when there is a lack of chemistry. People tend to pull away and disappear or break up relationships abruptly.

Love won’t happen or flourish without work from both parties. And no, you can’t do it talking about music, movie tastes, or television series. Everyone can do it, and that is not intimacy. Or saying that looking at the other person’s face, you already understand what they want or feeling. Wrong! By doing it, you are dismissing their individuality and personal life story.

Love is a skill to learn which requires open lines of communication. Communication about what is important. Substantial and divergent for each couplehood member.

Wishing you well,

Alexandra

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