I saw a post this morning on Facebook that made me think about how fragile relationships are at the moment. Without question, technology changed the way we related to one another, but when online interactions go too far, what can we do about it? How far is too far? What should you accept and not accept?
The post was about women who send private messages to other women on social media, asking them to block their partners. The main reason behind it was their partners were liking and interacting too much with those unknown women.
However, let’s be clear and realistic, the real reason behind it is this:
THESE WOMEN AND THEIR NEEDS AREN’T MET IN THEIR’S RELATIONSHIPS, WHICH IS EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT!
Never under any circumstance send a private message to another woman because of your partner’s behavior online.
Do this instead:
- Ask yourself the real reason why his online behavior makes you feel uncomfortable;
- Ask yourself if that behavior is passing over your fundamental core believes. If so, why are you still with that person?
- Did you talk with your partner about how and why it makes you feel uncomfortable? What was his response? Did he understand or acted defensively? People tend to consider online interactions nonimportant or inoffensive. However, micro-cheating is a real thing. Micro-cheating is characterized by small actions that hover the mutually agreed upon boundaries in your relationship. It can be forging emotionally and sexually charged relationships with someone else outside the primary relationship.
- Another thing to consider is Thomas’s theorem in which, “If a person perceives a situation as real, it is real in its consequences”. In other words, if you feel or see the situation as wrong, it’s because internally, the perceived situation goes against what you believe. But does it allow to message another woman? No!
Fundamentally the situation described here happens because there is a sense that an agreed-upon relationship standard has been intentionally violated, leading to an obvious human response.
It’s easy to call someone jealous or crazy, even though it might be the case because emotionally unhealthy people exist. We have to think that the person is in distress and reacting to a perceived real threat.
The reality is men and women are spending too much time online and not cultivating their relationships correctly. The other side of the coin is that now everything is allowed and normalized, leading to permissive behaviors and blaming the uncomfortable partner for calling out those behaviors.
Never ask another woman to block your partner. Never call them names. Instead, have a calm but serious conversation with him about the situation. If he responds defensively and blames you for being too sensitive or dramatic, consider leaving the relationship. We should be with someone who makes us feel safe and comfortable.
I experienced a situation with similar outlines. The person I was dating sent me a screenshot from a conversation he had with another girl, where she sent him another screenshot where another girl said she wanted to get married to him.
The relationship fell apart after this episode because I couldn’t trust him. Some people might perceive the interaction as funny, but I didn’t. It was childish but at the same time showed me how intrusive people are. And how much they love to create drama around.
However, at the end of the day, it only happened because he ALLOWED it to happen and, of course, had consequences.