Live by Design, Not by Default

I was unquestionably in what, I can recall, the journey towards my rejuvenated existence. The ride between heaven and hell where I could only rely on myself, on my routine and intuition to feel safe. I saw so much bullshit, so much unnecessary drama and unfairness, that it was my decision to let it go. 
Inevitably, humans perceived as solid don’t receive much support from others, maybe because they don’t know how to ask for help. Perhaps they do know how to fix things and don’t want others to get involved. 

I could find impressive mentalities who are still today my close friends. I found love. Love was gone. But within the waves of my unintelligible sorrow, I managed to swim to dry land. After all, I am a mixture between one wild animal and a diva. Everyone should be themselves and only themselves. 

Our today’s world scares the hell of me, and believe when I say that few are the things that can scare me. One way or another, all I see is pretension. The world pretends to be something while giving labels to categorize people. Men and women these days aren’t unchained. They don’t know what freedom is and what they call freedom, I call silent slavery. Look at the numbers of suicide and see how many men kill themselves every single day. Suicide is the red line, the line to the other side away from where existence steals oxygen. 

We live absolutely in dimensional hypocrisy, where the words patriarch and feminism circulate from one mouth to another to justify behaviors and erratic visions of life. Men aren’t the same. And I wish that some men could have better mothers and families because it does make the difference. I wish women could stop behaving as serial production models but only be themselves without following fashionable. Or ‘market’ thought tendencies. 
Relationships these days fail because one or both partners lives the fantasy of economic romance – I am only with you as long as you don’t give much trouble because otherwise, I will exchange you for another product – a repetitive cycle. 

Wouldn’t it be easy to calm down and look inwards? Wouldn’t it be easy to stop being so desperate to have someone, to have sex, to have a trophy as manners to justify apparent invincibility? Why the need to be like everybody else when everyone is inherently different? 

With this brief reflection, I invite everyone to the following exercise: Find a moment of loneliness and think about people you met once who were facing troubled moments. Ask yourself if you were there for them. Ask yourself if you left them based on your fears and why. What about yourself? How much are you there for your own self? How many times have you abandoned yourself? Why do you want to please other people, and why can’t you deal with your inevitable loneliness? 

Psychologically structured individuals do not come from an easy life. But because with suffering, one grows. 

That’s all I have for today.

x

Alexandra

Credits:

Photography: ©2021 Alexandra Santos