One of the main principles for an intimate relationship to develop appropriately is vulnerability. Within vulnerability clothing, both partners will share their authentic selves, build trust and construct the central point of intimacy.

However, many people struggle with the timing and how to disclose past experiences to their significant other. 

Should you talk about your past with your partners? Yes, but not as you think! 

It is essential for you to feel safe to share your past, but most importantly, sharing isn’t equal to vomiting. When we get to know someone, vetting or dating, it is easy to follow up all the excitement at the beginning of one relationship and share too much too soon. 

These days people use their first dates not to ask key questions for selection but to share hurdles and hurtful past experiences, establishing comparisons to previous connections. 

I’m sorry, bebé! You are doing it all wrong! 

Here are the reasons: 

  1. When you share right away your hurdles and hurtful experiences, you are showing up emotional unavailability. 
  2. You don’t allow the other person to conquer the right to know your story.
  3. Sharing your past annihilates the person who you are in the present. 

When should you share your past, and how to share it?

  1. You should share your past gradually, without sordid details, within a relationship. It will make you feel closer to your partner.

  2. Remember to tell how those experiences impacted you positively and how you overcame them.

  3. If you have mental health problems (bipolar, depression, chronic anxiety, etc), be sure to use them not as an excuse to escape the relationship or discard your partner. But because you want them to know what’s going on with you, genuinely. Be prepared to answer all the questions and educate them to deal with you when in a crisis. 

  4. You have to feel safe, and you are the only one who knows when is the right timing to share.

  5. Understand if your partner has empathy and is willing to share also something significant. A partner with trust issues is someone who will never be able to share crucial details of their lives with us. 

It is impressive how people use the word “honesty” to disrespect others. When someone shares with you that they have mental health problems and disappear, that’s disrespectful.
If you share details of your life and your partner share those details with family or friends, that’s disrespectful. 
The same rule applies to those who come strong after you and then disappear, for now, reappearing again later. It is disrespectful.

Be wise to use the vetting process adequately and do not fall into unnecessary dating traps. And yes, delay sex as much as possible, not because you are playing hard to get, but for your mental and emotional safety.

With love,

Alexandra

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