Sometimes I’m sitting at coffee shops, and I listen to people talking about their personal lives. Intimate relationships are almost, if not always, the best topic to hear, leading afterward to moments of self-reflection. I may wonder why, even though I know the reason, people remain single. I’m talking about those who know to make a relationship work and how to sustain it. These days there is so much lack of clarity, so much scarcity of inner direction, that it may take courage to stand out from the crowd. It takes courage to tell somebody – “I want you!” or “I love you!”.
Entire generations live confined looking at the screens of their smartphones. Perhaps, they have multiple dating apps, which is an addiction eroding the power of getting to know someone. Funny how “John” or “Mary” says they want to receive or give love. But run away from it or can’t verbalize their loving preferences.
What about casual sex? Why, even if you search on the internet, the top questions are “he/she pulled away after having sex, what should I do?” or ” How can I make him/her chase me, after sex?”. Why do those questions happen in what we call modern society? Why do we want someone to chase us? Chase? Why chase? And why do we need shortcut pieces of advice? Or buy stupid books with no scientifically proven facts of human psychology and biology?
Because part of us, based on fear, wants to dismiss the responsibility of taking care of another human being, while the other fragment of us still wants to attach.
So, you may ask, what is then adult conjugality? It is the art of into me you see shadows and lighting personality traces. We are the perfect mirrors of those who interact with us intimately. We mirror their scarcities and their strengths. So at the end of the day, I ask you, why do we need someone to chase us? Aren’t you tired of avoidant intimacy games? Aren’t you exhausted of false hopes and interpretations when using direct communication is the key?
Allow yourself to escape restrictive-painful stories about what is correct or not. It’s your prerogative to decide what’s best for you and your life. Some people remain single and even avoid dating altogether because of nonsense tiredness around partner selection.
Adult conjugality requires focus, understanding, and time. Time to cement feelings of mutuality and companionship.