Today I’m writing the last article of 2021. For that reason, it will be written with personal inputs and from the heart. Some paradigms related to human existence and society can change using life experiences, as long as shared with contextualization and to the correct audience.
In 2020 – (End of January) – I was diagnosed with emotional burnout or emotional exhaustion because of accumulated stress from my personal and work life. As Franchell Richard-Hamilton mention in – Burnout: An emotional and psychological warfare – emotional exhaustion is a state that makes us feel like going through a dark tunnel. I never felt so sick and drained in my entire life, nor when I dealt with Rokitansky syndrome in my late teens. The first signs I remember experiencing were brain fog, intense physical fatigue, mood changes, anxiety, and panic attacks. Actually, my body couldn’t stand any longer with all the demands and lack of respect that had occurred until then. My inner voice was screaming softly – It’s time to stop, Alexandra -. However, I was running from the responsibility of taking care of myself and my needs. I wasn’t being easy on me after all.
It took me more than one year to fully recover. I needed a long break and, gladly, I had family support throughout this journey. Working out in nature and cycling were helpful to stabilize my endocrine and immune system. You may ask how I end up with emotional burnout when I have “all” the skills to avoid it. No one is immune to it, and no one is perfect. However, I could identify what was going on and seek professional help in time. I was carrying too much, blaming myself for others’ insufficiencies. Sacrificing and diminishing the woman that I am to save what? To make others what? Happy?! How can someone be happy or even see who you are if they don’t like or aren’t sure about themselves?
I came from a stable home, a home that taught me to talk openly, fearless about my feelings and needs. But at work and in my personal life, I was editing myself, losing my power over non-sense, losing my self-confidence and discernment because of constant gaslighting and illusionism. There was no legal or emotional support. I was there in the middle of this nightmare arena like an exotic animal, chained and spiked. At least, I tried. I didn’t run away from anything or anyone like I saw many doing. I stood for myself, for what I believe, and ended a cycle of abuse. While the voice of my grandfather and his vibrato was echoing inside my ears saying: “Live bravely but live”.
All the doors were closed. I was returning home slowly but with confidence. I took myself from an obsolete state of spirit, lifting my life, holding hands with those I love, my golden treasure. I am where I should be, doing what I should do. Returning to university after so many years has been a great experience. I needed to give my brain and soul more knowledge. About the dating sphere in my life, I’m enjoying my time alone even though I know there are plenty of great men out there. He will come into my life naturally. I’m sure about it.
Society and people, in general, need to be called out, assuming the reins of social liability. Vanity should be thrown out the window while raging adequate conditions where everyone feels safe. Today we are living the fantasy of a global community. When the truth is everyone is “dying” in their bubble, turning heads to what feels uncomfortable denying help to those in need.
Christmas isn’t a button you turn on, and everyone is happy celebrating. That’s hypocrisy, not Christmas.
If you are experiencing exhaustion talk about it to those close to you. Seek professional help and quit all stressors in your life. Be it your work, personal relationships, or both. Yes, it will be a scary place to go, but we all live once.
The night won’t stop you from leaving. The wind is calling. Have the courage to be happy. For you, above all for you!
Merry Christmas a see you next year!