Modern society is facing one of the most trembling moments since its creation. Despite existing many conversations about criminology rates and other societal diseases, few are the ones that touch on the roots causes of such living disasters.
Almost every single day, our eyes and ears are being bombarded by cases of people killing or hurting their partners. We are watching a war happening passively, from which everyone is suffering consequences. Theories such as patriarchy and feminism are ripping off the humanitarian value of connections between men and women. Young generations face a hard time saving enough money to buy their first home or even start a family, while there is no real help or visible incentives to change the situation. Mental health and climate protection are now a trend, where many claims they are experts, not knowing, sometimes, what they are saying.
My first question is: What will we be in the future? What will be the future of our children? Why are we so worried about producing “vain leaders” and businessmen but not so individuals with integrity, empathy, and ethic?
In 1995, Otto Kernberg wrote in his book Love relations – Normality and Pathology – this passage: ” The traditional patriarchal society reinforces sexual promiscuity in men but repudiates it in women. Patriarchal mores may divet narcissistic women’s hatred of men into an exploitative relationship to marriage and children. Feminism, paradoxically, may foster sexual promiscuity in women with narcissistic pathology who identify with an aggressively perceived male sexuality” (p.155). More, Ramani Durvasula (2018), in her book – Don’t you know who I am? – wrote these lines: “It is necessary when writing about relationships with narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, other unstable personalities, and overall toxic behavior to also address domestic violence (sometimes termed “intrafamilial violence” or “intimate partner violence”). One in three women and one in four men have been physically abused by an intimate partner” (p.193).
Here’s my second question: Why do we permit television “specialists” to talk about domestic violence in a validating way? Because when not addressing the real motive of this behavior, exists the normalization of it, even if it is implicit. Why exists this inherent fear of talking about pathologies that provokes erratic behavior? Isn’t society a community responsible for preserving our mental and physical well-being?
Durvasula (2018) adds: “Law enforcement, legal, and judicial systems are not set up to adequately address domestic violence” (p.195).
I will also add something that a lawyer said recently in Portugal “the law is open and depends on judge interpretation”. Therefore there is no – justice -, and in the end, it just depends on what kind of personality the judge has. Based on his/her’s personality, you will see how the case will end in court.
Last but not least. New generations who want to buy their first home and build a family, what are their options? Is financial advising one of those options? How much should a couple spend on their first acquisition? Should a couple think long-term and even equate the possibility of buying a plot of dirt big enough for their children to build a house also? How much is too much, and how could society change real estate inflation?
“Those who educate children well are more to be honored than they who produce them; for these only gave them life, those the art of living well.” – Aristotle
Durvasula, R. (2018). “Don’t You know Who I am?” – How to stay sane in an era of narcissism, entitlement, and incivility. Post Hill Press.
Kernberg, F. O. (1995). Love Relations, Normality and Pathology. Yale University Press.
© Osama Hajjaj