It has been a long time since I wrote an article on my website. Life has been changing, and I had to change with it. Besides concluding two master’s degrees this year, I also got married in October and returned to my teaching career.

However, because this place is all about love and relationships, I’m presenting you with a tool that I believe will change your intimate dynamics: The shadow relationship with ourselves and how to change it.

The shadow relationship with ourselves means the traits we tend to suppress or avoid in terms of not letting others know how we feel. For example, we know that we need to respect our necessities and time to restore our energy, but neglecting it seems the easier road to navigate. Another example is recognizing pattern behaviors in our partners, family members, or other social groups which hurt us, but we pretend to be ok. Why? Because the shadow relationship also means the disregard we live inwards.

The expression “work on yourself” seems to be a trendy receipt, the miraculous cure spreading around with so much easiness, but it is a brutal reality that many of us tend to avoid.
Let’s be honest for any human being healing emotional wounds and reprogramming the emotional/nervous system takes time. It is a journey with ups and downs, advances, and retreats.

It took me two years, and it is still a work in progress, to rebirth the woman I used to be. I was lucky enough to have a “tank” full of good emotional memories and so much love from childhood and the early years of my teenagehood, allowing me to move on, leaving behind years of heaviness and unfairness. I wasn’t fair and felt like I was punishing myself in the name of something unchangeable.

Never allow anyone to disdain your value or who you are.

I hope you enjoy the Thais video. Merry Christmas!

With love,

Alexandra

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  1. Once, I made someone else my identity. I did this, because I promised them too much. Although, I did accomplish everything I promised for them – getting them through college, keeping them off the streets, away from prison, and keeping them and their family fed during a good portion of the Covid-19 pandemic. I accomplished all this, though I ended up losing sight of who I was. Not only that, though I ended up falling in love with this person. Perhaps the love was inevitable, though I believe it’s the one thing that caused this me and this other person to shed the most tears, be afflicted with the most wounds, etc. I would have died for this person, multiple times over. It’s a love I don’t want to have, ever again, since me and them broke up. I don’t want it, again, because one only gets one time to have a test of their life’s character. Who am I? I was loyal. But that’s it. When I came back to myself, after such a departure, I returned to an empty space. An alien home, and an old world that’s full of shadows.

    If I can be true to myself, I might do so with whatever values I had going during that union. But I won’t be able to share them with the same strength and devotion as I once had. They were my identity. They were who I was, and something I will not, and also do not want, to repeat.

    And though I cannot repeat it all, to live another life, because I have only one beating heart, I am yet forced to push on. To be someone else? To maybe even change my values? To be the same person to someone else, though at a lesser extent? Who knows.

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