‘Saying goodbye allows us to put words to feelings, shape how we remember someone, codify our choices, and frame distinct periods of time. In short, goodbyes give us a sense of closure as we move into the next phases of our lives.’ – Jo-Ann Finkelstein Ph.D.
Remember that you have control over your emotions, and your worthiness doesn’t depend on how your ex feels about you. I’m also talking about self-knowledge and self-compassion.
WE HAVE TO FEEL TO HEAL!
“Holding on to pain doesn’t fix anything. Replaying the past over and over again doesn’t change it, and wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. In some cases, especially when it comes to the past, all you can do is accept whatever it is you’re holding on to and then let it go. That’s how everything changes. You have to let go of what is hurting you, even if it feels almost impossible. Deciding to hold on to the past will hold you back from creating a strong sense of self — a self that isn’t defined by your past, but rather by who you want to be.”
Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D.
“By gradually re-involving ourselves with someone who is capable of being consistently caring, we are soothed. The pleasure and ease of the connection restore our hope and faith that had been battered. The comfort of a loving partnership bathes our hearts in loving-kindness. When at long last, we exchange love and care with someone who is safe, consistent, respectful, and fully present with us, the depth of appreciation of their trustworthiness heals our broken heart. Then we can live in gratitude for the love that has been hard-won.”
“When you go through a breakup, especially one that’s unexpected, your body may register it as an emergency and go into “fight-or-flight” mode. Being in this state triggers the release of hormones that can prepare your body to stay and deal with a threat or to run away to safety. It can also trigger a rapid heartbeat or trembling.
Our muscles tense, we lose our appetite, we may experience [gastrointestinal] disruption, and we’re likely to have trouble falling asleep. Being in this physically hyper-vigilant state over a period of time can lead to headaches, stomachaches, and muscle soreness”
by Dr. Kristin Bianchi
“The best partnerships might be an honest merging of ambivalences, two people who admit they each want conflicting things, a bunny and a buddy, brutal honesty and tactful kindness, and can laugh together about the predicament of trying to get that from one person for life.”
Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D.
“Being able to see the ways in which you grow after a breakup doesn’t take away the sadness, pain, or feelings of loss. But it can help increase your resilience and make it easier to bounce back from the experience. Some of us have more difficulty looking for these signs of growth than others, and for some of us it takes longer to get there. But if you start looking, you’ll very likely start to see some ways that you have grown in the process. And that growth is going to be part of the self that you move forward with into the rest of your life.”
F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W.
“You know something is up when your boyfriend or girlfriend bae tells you “we need to talk.” Most of the time it can be a pretty ominous sign that you really screwed up in your relationship. But dating can be full of surprises and sometimes it’s not as bad as it seems! We hope…”
Although some relationships will fail naturally, others fail because people have this idea that good partners are pushovers or too good to be true. This fallacy leads many men and women to have mayonnaise relationships or love in mayonnaise because of fear of being hurt, and someone will take advantage of them.
Why it’s so important to honor your roots and know your protocol when relating to others? Your roots, your cultural background is part of who you are as an individual. It’s the map that guides you in social interactions. Then what is your protocol? Your protocol is your ability to understand what you want and need to be happy. The protocol is the base that sustains the longevity of your relationship, where clarity and communication is the key to solve misunderstandings and mismatch information.
They dump you because you were too good to be true?
There are some individuals when they found what they always wanted (mentally). They think there is one agenda behind the good, or you try to use them. But you know what? Never, ever be less! Never be the less of what you are to accept less of what you deserve/want.
“Relationships is an area where we too often get stuck, unable to make ourselves understood or find the sort of love we need. This is largely due to a myth that loving another human should be something we all naturally know how to do. Far from it; we believe that love is a skill, not just an emotion – and that it’s a skill we all have to learn and carefully rehearse.”
“When we want to experience real love, we have to have tools in our hands to help us to overcome the hardships of daily life. It’s easy to disconnect from the ones we love and call it quits when there is so much to explore and learn. Falling out of love is a real feeling but also means a new opportunity to discover who we are and our partners are. It is also one opportunity for both parties to see where they failed, and understand that our inner children need to be healed.”
“Compulsive use of dating apps can change your focus to short-term hookups instead of developing long-term relationships. And this behavior has a direct correlation with dopamine and other hormones. People now are seeking fast validation and fast love creating poor connections.”