Gladly I still see the sun rising. Gladly I am alive.
Would it be better to assume that we have no education for love and, perhaps, help is needed?
We have at least 90 years of credits to live. Please, live it wisely without constrictions or thinking about if acceptance by peers will be granted. Do not ever take anyone for granted, and be sure that from them. You learned the best.
We are indoctrinated since a young age by movies, songs, and role models that love is an automatic response. That we must find the perfect person, the soulmate, “the one”, and everything will flow. We aren’t taught or teaching our children how to deal with frustration. Different points of view, general differences on how to approach daily life matters.
Sadly, the rule now is if there is a difference, then the other person isn’t the right fit for us.
Permissiveness is the antidote to desire, emotional attraction, and intimate connection. As Gottman points out, in a committed relationship, we should maintain boundaries in our other relationships as a way to maintain not only the privacy of our commitment but also protect our partners.
Love is a skill to learn which requires open lines of communication. Communication about what is important. Substantial and divergent for each couplehood member.
It is impressive and enthralling how music can transport us to already experienced moments, how it can comfort us in painful moments such as a breakup or the loss of a loved one. Or to celebrate special events.
But, shall I ask, how often do we understand the message and lesson behind the lyric? What can a song teach about us, others, love, and relationships?
According to Gottman (2019), true commitment means
that you create a wall around you and your partner with an open window between you. This wall around the two of you separates you from others in terms of your deepest emotional and physical connections (…) Also, if we’re committed, we have given this person everything we have to offer. There’s nothing left over for another lover. That’s a risky decision, but it’s essential. Without this level of commitment, love will not last. (pp.40, 41)
The purpose of learning how and to say NO is the synonym of stopping yourself from putting the value of your life in the hands of people with doormat brains. Judgment doesn’t exist per se. Because someone who doesn’t know who or she is is incapable of judging others. Think about this when you are ruminating about what others think about you.
Even though this might sound like an advertising quote, for men or even women in the dating realm is important they stop making assumptions about somebody else behavior. Getting real about your needs and wantings within an intimate relationship is the first step or key to move forward in the direction you want to be. Because the truth is knowing core needs or the requirements to feel safe in a relationship or by yourself isn’t only attractive. It will work as a selective process between who deserves to stay in your life from who doesn’t.
Between grey or sunny days, always be sure to choose what is correct for your stability and emotional well-being.
“Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and conventional wisdom both suggest that love is a fundamental human need. Most people meet their significant others through their social circles or work/school functions. However, these pools can be relatively shallow. In the search for a potential date, more and more people are switching to less traditional methods.
The popularity of online dating is being driven by several things, but a major factor is time. Online dating presents an effective solution to a serious problem.
Browsing profiles isn’t nearly as time-consuming (or daunting) as mixing with people in a social context. Statistics suggest that about 1 in 5 relationships begin online nowadays. It’s estimated that by 2040, 70% of us will have met our significant other online.
The problem with a lot of online dating applications is that they don’t really work. Before you throw caution to the wind and empty your wallet into the pockets of an online app with the reckless abandon of a love-struck teenager, there are a few things you should know.”
Ryan Anderson, Ph.D.
“Technology gives us a sense of control over our lives; basically, we’re able to hold our world in the palm of our hand. Since social media initiated more quantitative measures of “friends,” “shares,” and “likes,” human connection has become increasingly mechanized. This creates a distance from the actual person with whom we are interacting and can make a relationship more transactional than if we had to speak face to face. We may not even recognize the effect our behaviors have on others.”
Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.
“When you go through a breakup, especially one that’s unexpected, your body may register it as an emergency and go into “fight-or-flight” mode. Being in this state triggers the release of hormones that can prepare your body to stay and deal with a threat or to run away to safety. It can also trigger a rapid heartbeat or trembling.
Our muscles tense, we lose our appetite, we may experience [gastrointestinal] disruption, and we’re likely to have trouble falling asleep. Being in this physically hyper-vigilant state over a period of time can lead to headaches, stomachaches, and muscle soreness”
by Dr. Kristin Bianchi
“Many people worry about the dreaded first date. Dating is a universal stressor. This is because rejection comes with the territory. Fear of being rejected or even the fear of having to reject someone can be overwhelming. Mix in unpleasant past experiences and questionable self-esteem and you have a recipe for dating distress!”
Chamin Ajjan MS, LCSW, ACT
“In today´s world, many partners live apart. Not just in different zip codes, but in different cities and time zones, sometimes in different parts of the world. Job opportunities, educational aspirations, and family responsibilities often separate couples for extended periods of time, relegating their communication to long distance methods of maintaining relational quality and intimacy. In fact, some couples have always lived apart. The prevalence of online dating offers access to a global pool of potential suitors, which can result in matches made in heaven geographically challenged on earth.”
Wendy L. Patrick, JD, Ph.D.
“With few exceptions, human beings want to be emotionally and physically close to each other. Life seems better shared. And yet no area of human endeavor seems more fraught with challenges and difficulties than our relationships with others. Relationships, like most things in life worth having, require effort.”
By Thomas L. Cory, Ph.D.
“To be yourself in a World that is constantly trying to make you something else is THE GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT!”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“A strong you to a narcissist individual means that they are less than. And they can never ever be less than. They are powerless when their whole life revolves around getting power over other people. Feeling a deep sense of powerlessness in their childhood is what turned them into a narcissist in the first place, remember. You’re poking at a core wound. That’s why it’s so scary for them.”
“Relationships can be a source of personal growth and shared satisfaction. Relationships bring out our best when we are thriving with one another. Even in times of trouble, when they are based on solid foundations, and partners are committed to one another, relationships can be a source of strength and an opportunity for mutual growth. At other times, relationships are destructive, causing more harm than good and presenting few opportunities for shared constructive change. Dysfunctional relationships are akin to an addiction.”
Source: Psychology Today