2021: Get Your Brain To Focus

“Distractions are not just frustrating; they can be exhausting. By the time you get back to where you were, your ability to stay focused goes down even further as you have even less glucose available now. Change focus ten times an hour (one study showed people in offices did so as much as 20 times an hour), and your productive thinking time is only a fraction of what’s possible. Less energy equals less capacity to understand, decide, recall, memorize, and inhibit. The result could be mistakes on important tasks. Or distractions can cause you to forget good ideas and lose valuable insights. Having a great idea and not being able to remember it can be frustrating, like an itch you can’t scratch, yet another distraction to manage.”

2020 Last Article: My Real Life Personal Reflection and Growth

“Resilient individuals find a calling and dedicate themselves to what gives life purpose. Pursuing a meaningful purpose may involve stress and pain in the short run but over the long run brings meaning (e.g., raising children, seeking personal growth, training for a marathon). People with a sense of purpose feel less anxiety and stress (Hagerty, 2016). As Nietzsche remarked, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

Shahram Heshmat Ph.D.

The Tantric Heart Girl

The keys for female sexuality are “responsive female sexual desire” and valuing sensual, playful, and erotic scenarios in addition to intercourse. The new mantra emphasizes that sharing pleasure and eroticism is more important than individual sex performance.

Satisfaction certainly involves orgasm but is much more than orgasm. Satisfaction involves feeling good about yourself as a sexual person and bonded as a sexual couple. This mantra allows women and men to have a shared language.”

Are You Ready To Love? – Article requested by Reilly

“We sometimes go in and out of relationships and not really know (or understand) what’s getting in the way. What makes some relationships click and others not so much, or why we or someone else walks away or refuses to. It’s important to look at what WE bring to the table.”

Vijayeta Sinh Ph.D.

International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and Men: 25 November

“In the run up to International Women’s Day last week, the Diversity Council of Australia (DCA) published a list of 8 common myths about workplace sexual harassment. One of these myths is the belief that sexual harassment only happens to straight women, when in reality it happens to people of all genders and sexual orientations.

According to report by Rebecca DiGriolamo in the The Advertiser (Adelaide), nearly 1 in 2 complaints of sexual harassment accepted by the commission in 2017/2018 were made by men.

Sexual harassment against men at work is more common than most people think. Research by the Australian Human Rights Commission has found that 23% of women and 16% of men experienced sexual harassment at work in Australia in 2018.”

by Australian Men’s Health Forum

Are You Over-Focusing on “Connection?”

Like cognitive neuroscience teach us, when it comes to intimate relationships, we should choose “boring” and not “over the top” candidates. Not because we are picky or mean, but because “the spark” isn’t necessarily a good thing or a reliable source of information if someone will be the right partner for you. “Chemistry” is a cocktail of lust and danger that wrings the dopamine out of your neurotransmitters.

SPS, Attachment Styles, Relationships and Breakups

“It is critical to understand that sensitivity is a temperament—an aspect of personality, such as introversion or extroversion, which is believed to be innate rather than learned. It has been estimated that 15 to 20 percent of the population has a Highly Sensitive temperament. It occurs about equally for men and women. Being an HSP is not considered to be a disorder or malfunction. Unfortunately, in spite of being a significant percentage of the population, HSPs are still not well understood, and their particular challenges are not often recognized.”

Dianne Grande Ph.D.

11.11 – Celebrating Single’s Day in Portugal

“It’s important to recognize why one is single, whether being single is a choice or arises from unconscious factors (and if so what those factors are likely to be), to what extent social influence plays a role in relationship status, and, if partnered, whether one is genuinely interested in being in a relationship. As stigma about singlehood decreases, more people will end up being single, more people will choose being single out of a secure attachment style, and (hopefully) fewer people will be partnered or single for the wrong reasons. Models of secure singlehood will become more defined socially, better understood psychologically, and happy single people will be able to live openly, without having to deal with bias.”

Grant Hilary Brenner MD, FAPA

Exercise: Hack Your Behavior!

” Freud believed that all humans experience something he called “repetition compulsion,” which he saw as a biological need to repeat old behaviors. Neuroscientists have been finding evidence in recent years to back him up on this, suggesting that that neuropathways set themselves up in our brains and push us to keep doing the same behavior.”

F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W.

Breakups: Don’t Blame Your Ex!

“The best partnerships might be an honest merging of ambivalences, two people who admit they each want conflicting things, a bunny and a buddy, brutal honesty and tactful kindness, and can laugh together about the predicament of trying to get that from one person for life.”

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D.

Happy 36th Anniversary, Alexandra (Wonder Woman)!

“Aging is a passage, one that doesn’t have to be a devolution, but a process of renewal and movement toward beauty, in all the ways we personally choose to define it.”

Holly Parker, Ph.D.

Let’s Rethink Our Participation in Dating Apps: Tinder Investigation.

“In times past, men and women tended to meet at work, through mutual friends, or at social venues such as church or sports clubs. In other words, their relationship was rooted in a pre-existing social ecology where others could generally be trusted. This could inhibit contemptible dating behavior as wrongdoers faced opprobrium from the pre-existing community.

However, no such social ecology exists within the world of dating apps. On the contrary, some dating app users can hide under a cloak of anonymity or deceit. This can include deception about personal characteristics such as age or profession, as well as dishonesty regarding intentions.”

by Rob Whitley, Ph.D.

Let’s Talk About “Situationships”?

What is a “situationship”? Considering all the possible labels that we are using now to define intimate relationships, a “situationship” is a relationship that hasn’t been define yet.

by Alexandra Maria dos Santos

The Real Meaning of Stoicism

“Stoics place a lot of value on…values — your principles, what you use to guide your life, you deciding the type of person you want to be. These are different from “shoulds” and rules that you may inherit from your parents, your culture. They are chosen by you, and you are responsible for putting them into practice daily.

The key here is again deciding what those values are; deciding and imaging the person you want to be and become, different from your parents, your siblings, those around you. You seeing yourself as the creator of your own present and future.”

Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W.,

October: Warm and Undying love

“When people rise up to a higher level of responsibility to self-observe and shift their attitudes and behaviors, the other person cannot help but shift their own. I sometimes refer to this as “changing the way we dance.”

by Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W., and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W.

Decoding Women: Love, Timing and Why You Will Lose Us.

“I have heard many women ask if they should downplay their intelligence or success when first meeting a potential partner. Absolutely not. It is important to be proud of who you are, what you have accomplished, and what you stand for. Not everyone is threatened by the accomplishments of others, and it is important to find a partner who values you for you. Additionally, if we are more explicit about what we are capable of, perhaps we can shift the dynamic and how people view powerful women.”

Marisa T. Cohen Ph.D., CPLC

Father Complex: Are You Emotionally Broken?

“Daddy issues aren’t really about you. They’re about your dad. Too often women are given the label of having “daddy issues,” as though they’re the ones to blame for their wounds. Being told you have daddy issues can bring up shame and hurt. But really, your dad is responsible for not meeting your needs. If your dad had issues and wasn’t able to be emotionally available, why wouldn’t you be wounded? Daddy issues are nothing to be ashamed of. You’re not defective or damaged. Your needs weren’t met, and you now have healing to do.”

by Caitlin Cantor, LCSW, CST

The Fifteen Types Of Women That You Should Avoid to Have a Long-term Relationship.

“The more time a person invests emotionally in a relationship (even an overall negative one), the more a person will persevere to try to make it work (even though it hasn’t been working, resulting in a tricky cycle). And because there is still basic attachment and love in such relationships, any self-awareness, any intellectual truths, are pushed to the side, and their choices become heavily ruled by their emotions.”

Madeleine A. Fugère Ph.D.

Loyal, Brave and True by Christina Aguilera

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson