2020 Last Article: My Real Life Personal Reflection and Growth

“Resilient individuals find a calling and dedicate themselves to what gives life purpose. Pursuing a meaningful purpose may involve stress and pain in the short run but over the long run brings meaning (e.g., raising children, seeking personal growth, training for a marathon). People with a sense of purpose feel less anxiety and stress (Hagerty, 2016). As Nietzsche remarked, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

Shahram Heshmat Ph.D.

International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and Men: 25 November

“In the run up to International Women’s Day last week, the Diversity Council of Australia (DCA) published a list of 8 common myths about workplace sexual harassment. One of these myths is the belief that sexual harassment only happens to straight women, when in reality it happens to people of all genders and sexual orientations.

According to report by Rebecca DiGriolamo in the The Advertiser (Adelaide), nearly 1 in 2 complaints of sexual harassment accepted by the commission in 2017/2018 were made by men.

Sexual harassment against men at work is more common than most people think. Research by the Australian Human Rights Commission has found that 23% of women and 16% of men experienced sexual harassment at work in Australia in 2018.”

by Australian Men’s Health Forum

Are You Over-Focusing on “Connection?”

Like cognitive neuroscience teach us, when it comes to intimate relationships, we should choose “boring” and not “over the top” candidates. Not because we are picky or mean, but because “the spark” isn’t necessarily a good thing or a reliable source of information if someone will be the right partner for you. “Chemistry” is a cocktail of lust and danger that wrings the dopamine out of your neurotransmitters.

SPS, Attachment Styles, Relationships and Breakups

“It is critical to understand that sensitivity is a temperament—an aspect of personality, such as introversion or extroversion, which is believed to be innate rather than learned. It has been estimated that 15 to 20 percent of the population has a Highly Sensitive temperament. It occurs about equally for men and women. Being an HSP is not considered to be a disorder or malfunction. Unfortunately, in spite of being a significant percentage of the population, HSPs are still not well understood, and their particular challenges are not often recognized.”

Dianne Grande Ph.D.

Happy 36th Anniversary, Alexandra (Wonder Woman)!

“Aging is a passage, one that doesn’t have to be a devolution, but a process of renewal and movement toward beauty, in all the ways we personally choose to define it.”

Holly Parker, Ph.D.

Let’s Rethink Our Participation in Dating Apps: Tinder Investigation.

“In times past, men and women tended to meet at work, through mutual friends, or at social venues such as church or sports clubs. In other words, their relationship was rooted in a pre-existing social ecology where others could generally be trusted. This could inhibit contemptible dating behavior as wrongdoers faced opprobrium from the pre-existing community.

However, no such social ecology exists within the world of dating apps. On the contrary, some dating app users can hide under a cloak of anonymity or deceit. This can include deception about personal characteristics such as age or profession, as well as dishonesty regarding intentions.”

by Rob Whitley, Ph.D.

Let’s Talk About “Situationships”?

What is a “situationship”? Considering all the possible labels that we are using now to define intimate relationships, a “situationship” is a relationship that hasn’t been define yet.

by Alexandra Maria dos Santos

October: Warm and Undying love

“When people rise up to a higher level of responsibility to self-observe and shift their attitudes and behaviors, the other person cannot help but shift their own. I sometimes refer to this as “changing the way we dance.”

by Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W., and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W.

Father Complex: Are You Emotionally Broken?

“Daddy issues aren’t really about you. They’re about your dad. Too often women are given the label of having “daddy issues,” as though they’re the ones to blame for their wounds. Being told you have daddy issues can bring up shame and hurt. But really, your dad is responsible for not meeting your needs. If your dad had issues and wasn’t able to be emotionally available, why wouldn’t you be wounded? Daddy issues are nothing to be ashamed of. You’re not defective or damaged. Your needs weren’t met, and you now have healing to do.”

by Caitlin Cantor, LCSW, CST

Loyal, Brave and True by Christina Aguilera

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let’s Talk About Marriage And Have Kids Without Sounding an Ultimatum?

“One study published in Menopause Journal titled, “Extended maternal age at birth of last child and women’s longevity in the Long Life Family Study,” reported that women who birthed their last child after they were 33 saw a “significant association for older maternal age,” and had greater odds of living to 95.

Previous findings, from The New England Centenarian Study, found that women who gave birth after age 40 “were four times more likely to live to 100 or longer than were women who gave birth at younger ages.

A 2018 Pew study, “They’re Waiting Longer…” points out women ages 40-44 who have never been married have had a baby. Pew reassures those who are bombarded with questions that although women are having babies later, “Women are more likely now to become mothers than they were a decade ago.””

Susan Newman Ph.D.

Healing and Staying Healthy After a Breakup!

“Being able to see the ways in which you grow after a breakup doesn’t take away the sadness, pain, or feelings of loss. But it can help increase your resilience and make it easier to bounce back from the experience. Some of us have more difficulty looking for these signs of growth than others, and for some of us it takes longer to get there. But if you start looking, you’ll very likely start to see some ways that you have grown in the process. And that growth is going to be part of the self that you move forward with into the rest of your life.”

F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W.

Are You Looking For a Penis Or a Real Man?

“To master the terror of another letdown, we go cold, we respond sarcastically to sincere compliments and insist with aggression that they don’t really care for us at all, thereby ensuring that they eventually won’t.

To escape these debilitating cycles, we need to accept that we’re searching for someone to love us while wrestling with the most fateful of background suspicions: that we don’t in any way deserve love.”

School of Life

You Deserve Safety!

“Narcissists can be charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging. They can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You can fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side.

They suffer from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning. Due to their extreme vulnerability, they crave power and vigilantly must control their environment, people around them, and their feelings. Displays of vulnerable feelings, such as fear, shame, or sadness are intolerable signs of weakness both in themselves and others.”