My birthday. A message.
Psychologically structured individuals do not come from an easy life. But because with suffering, one grows.
Gladly I still see the sun rising. Gladly I am alive.
The last goodbye kiss, is this our goodbye?
You and I the forging force of lovers
with so much unsaid and undone.
I remember. I will remember.
The most rewarding experiences come from different people who can align themselves in life together. Remember, perhaps tomorrow we might not be here, so as long as we are, be sure to surpass yourself to the point where the one you love will continue his or her’s prosperity even in your absence. Because you nurtured their individuality and saw who they were despite their ‘malfunctions’.
We are humans. We are fragile beings.
Would it be better to assume that we have no education for love and, perhaps, help is needed?
We have at least 90 years of credits to live. Please, live it wisely without constrictions or thinking about if acceptance by peers will be granted. Do not ever take anyone for granted, and be sure that from them. You learned the best.
We are indoctrinated since a young age by movies, songs, and role models that love is an automatic response. That we must find the perfect person, the soulmate, “the one”, and everything will flow. We aren’t taught or teaching our children how to deal with frustration. Different points of view, general differences on how to approach daily life matters.
Sadly, the rule now is if there is a difference, then the other person isn’t the right fit for us.
Nothing is set in stone, and as adults, we can change our lives and relational dynamics to a better place. Lastly, as human beings, we are emotionally responsible for ourselves but also for our loved ones. Be kind to you, be kind to the ones you love or once were loved by you.
Is every relationship worthy of saving if both partners are willing to do the work? Myth or true? The general rule is 90% of intimate relationships are worth saving. But they tend to fail because, over time, human needs aren’t being met, attachment styles are getting in the way, and finally, a profound misinterpretation of each other love language.
Love is a skill to learn which requires open lines of communication. Communication about what is important. Substantial and divergent for each couplehood member.
As Rosenberg explains, in a world and culture in which silence cult is incited, judging individuals harshly for exposing their needs is our daily cup of tea. We often get scared and shocked when someone reveals parts of themselves essential to bond correctly with us (the real vulnerability). Everyone wants to possess the courage but is fearful of doing so.
It is impressive and enthralling how music can transport us to already experienced moments, how it can comfort us in painful moments such as a breakup or the loss of a loved one. Or to celebrate special events.
But, shall I ask, how often do we understand the message and lesson behind the lyric? What can a song teach about us, others, love, and relationships?
According to Gottman (2019), true commitment means
that you create a wall around you and your partner with an open window between you. This wall around the two of you separates you from others in terms of your deepest emotional and physical connections (…) Also, if we’re committed, we have given this person everything we have to offer. There’s nothing left over for another lover. That’s a risky decision, but it’s essential. Without this level of commitment, love will not last. (pp.40, 41)
Even though this might sound like an advertising quote, for men or even women in the dating realm is important they stop making assumptions about somebody else behavior. Getting real about your needs and wantings within an intimate relationship is the first step or key to move forward in the direction you want to be. Because the truth is knowing core needs or the requirements to feel safe in a relationship or by yourself isn’t only attractive. It will work as a selective process between who deserves to stay in your life from who doesn’t.
Everything we do is physiological because our subconscious fears and desires drive our motivations and actions through emotions. (Think about it!)
“We are most helpful to women in other countries when we are a model of change, when we share organizational strategies, help call international attention to abuses, lobby for international organizations to classify violations of women’s rights as human rights violations, contribute money to their gender equality campaigns, respond to their “action alerts,” compare stories of struggle, and respect their right to be the architects of their own change. We are least ineffective when we try to tell them what they must do and how they should do it as we don’t usually understand the relevant cultural contexts.”
Shawn Meghan Burn, Ph.D
“Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and conventional wisdom both suggest that love is a fundamental human need. Most people meet their significant others through their social circles or work/school functions. However, these pools can be relatively shallow. In the search for a potential date, more and more people are switching to less traditional methods.
The popularity of online dating is being driven by several things, but a major factor is time. Online dating presents an effective solution to a serious problem.
Browsing profiles isn’t nearly as time-consuming (or daunting) as mixing with people in a social context. Statistics suggest that about 1 in 5 relationships begin online nowadays. It’s estimated that by 2040, 70% of us will have met our significant other online.
The problem with a lot of online dating applications is that they don’t really work. Before you throw caution to the wind and empty your wallet into the pockets of an online app with the reckless abandon of a love-struck teenager, there are a few things you should know.”
Ryan Anderson, Ph.D.
Being single shouldn’t be extremely frustrating, especially when everyone around you seems to have a lovebird by their side. If you’ve sworn off Valentine’s Day, I would like to ask you to reconsider. After all, you can make it a great occasion all on your own!
Many people are choosing not to love. But they shouldn’t, and you shouldn’t forget that all your past experiences happen not to erase love and intimacy from your life, but for you to grow in love.