“Love can be hard to receive when we’re not fundamentally convinced of our own loveability. We spend our time seeking out those who can make us suffer in ways that feel familiar. And it becomes natural to assume that a kind lover has missed something – and perhaps then to try to behave in disgusting ways just to make sure they understand we’re really not who they thought we were, and will therefore leave us in painful but somehow psychologically gratifying ways.”
More than often, we reject good people, because they seem “too good” for us and well the explanation for that is quite simple. We are not looking for romantic love, we are looking, somehow, for familiar love.
“Tech companies understand what causes dopamine surges in the brain and they lace their products with ‘hijacking techniques’ that lure us in and create ‘compulsion loops’.” Most social media sites create irregularly timed rewards, Brooks wrote, a technique long employed by the makers of slot machines, based on the work of the American psychologist BF Skinner, who found that the strongest way to reinforce a learned behaviour in rats is to reward it on a random schedule. “When a gambler feels favoured by luck, dopamine is released,” says Natasha Schüll, a professor at New York University and author of Addiction By Design: Machine Gambling in Las Vegas. This is the secret to Facebook’s era-defining success: we compulsively check the site because we never know when the delicious ting of social affirmation may sound.”
“Phubbing is a dopamine slot machine that keeps you away from real relationships.
Phubbing is the act of snubbing people in favor of a phone, is a disrespectful, harmful, and a habit that can ruin relationships.”