It is impressive and enthralling how music can transport us to already experienced moments, how it can comfort us in painful moments such as a breakup or the loss of a loved one. Or to celebrate special events.
But, shall I ask, how often do we understand the message and lesson behind the lyric? What can a song teach about us, others, love, and relationships?

Gavin James is a well-known Irish singer who debuts his brand new single called “Sober”. Sober can be understood in different ways, the longing for an impossible relationship, the reminiscence of a past relationship, or the hope to reestablish a connection this time in healthy manners. The hope that the one who got away will see his worth, returning to his arms.

What this song teach about us, others, love, and relationships?

  1. We all have our subconscious comfort zone, and because of it, we don’t express who we are from our authentic selves but our threatened selves. This dynamic drives away the people who are correct for us and our growth.

  2. “We take our feelings And hide them in bottles” The moment we hide our feelings or not expressing our needs, we are setting our relationships to fail, and most importantly, self-betraying who we are. How can someone love us? Or how can we love someone if they are neglecting themselves and we are neglecting ourselves? 

  3. Ignoring red flags in relationships is the direct representation of how much we disregard the connection to ourselves. The more disconnected you are from your emotions, feelings, and needs, the more overlooked or misunderstood you will feel by others. 

  4. “No, you don’t love me when you’re sober” – Auto-pilot stories and the longing for someone to wake up and give us the love we deserve leads to emotional chaos. Also, remember that some individuals have their fears competing with their feelings for you. They might love you dearly, but their’s mind-printed traumatic stories don’t allow them to see or accept your love. Therefore, sobriety only will happen when the healing process takes place. 

  5. Lack of modeling in childhood erodes our ability in adulthood to relate with others correctly, or at least with the outcome we desire. But like everything in life except death, nothing is set in stone. With awareness, the correct recognition of emotional difficulties, discomfort, and root causes can lead to a path of deep self-transformation while working on it. It is a scary place to go, but worth it. 

  6. It is everyone’s fault, but no one is to blame. In every relationship, it is everyone’s fault if the dynamic fail. But no one is to blame. Why? Because instead of trying to find someone to punish, the right direction to go is towards the understanding that everyone is doing their best to survive and thrive. It does mean that your duty is to educate yourself and run away from emotional illiteracy. 

  7. Last but not least. Be the advocate of your feelings and voice them not from a place of fear but love. Familiarity keeps us stuck in scenes that won’t serve us any longer. Maybe you never had someone supporting your adventures or acknowledging your emotional necessities. If now you found that person, someone who is there for you, instead of pushing them away with deactivating or activating strategies. Remember that your fears hurt your feelings. Instead of fleeing or avoid, or being needy or clingy, ask for help. And be vulnerable expressing your authentic self. 

A close friend of mine asked me last week if the level of knowledge that I have doesn’t keep me away from relationships. My answer was simple, the more you know, the more you avoid unnecessary and possible painful stories. The truth is the more sovereign you are, the less you will act out of dispairing or accept lesser treatment. I can support people and be there for them, but at the same time, I don’t lose myself because I do not over-feel somebody else feelings.

Relationships in all different forms need clear intentions and compassion. Requires the deep understanding that not everyone is in a good place to date, to be a friend or a long-term partner, and that’s fine. But we have to be clear about it and not come from a place of fear. We have to recognize and learn how to self-soothe. Set up boundaries and speak up.

Lastly, Judgment happens or comes from emotional illiteracy! So educate yourself, because fortunately, there are plenty of tools to help you out through the process. Just be sure that the readings you select are not from gurus but certified people.

With love,

Alexandra

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