“Someone Disappearing on you doesn’t reflect your worth. It reflects their fear of being ‘seen’”
I’m sure all of us have experienced this situation in the past, and yes it can be heartbreaking no matter how hard you try to understand why you’ll never have the answer won’t belong to you or in something you did.
Reflect their intentions or at least their afraid of being hurt and provide real love and companionship.
Ghosting is the term used to describe the situation when your partner, male or female, cease all the communications with you and never come back.
It isn’t a new phenom, but because of dating apps and because couples do all their communication through message or social media, it has been studied the last decade with more intensity to understand better the behavior of women and men in the new-age intimate relationships.
What are the consequences of receiving the ultimate silent treatment after several dates or being in a committed relationship?
With this behavior, what’s the message we are passing to the other person?
Meanwhile, we can’t categorize ghosts as bad people.
Some want real love and real connection but don’t know how to sustain it and don’t recognize their attachment style and how it influences their actions. They are avoidants.
The ghosting phenomenon helps people to avoid conflict in the first place and avoid the fear of being rejected and left down.
They avoid hard conversations or the fabricated probability of being used. Fabricated because avoidant people, depends on the avoidance level, always try to find something wrong in their partners to withdraw. Like a bad inner voice saying:
- See I told you she is using you! She doesn’t love you!
- He is like many others! Why do you keep believing in him?
They deflect, they shut down emotionally to prevent themselves from future hurt. Yes, on the way they hurt many people but I will leave that for another article, ok?
How to prevent ghosting:
- Be real and honest about your boundaries;
- Don’t chase but be upfront about your needs and desires;
- Focus on your life;
- Don’t give up on love;
- Always give the right pace to a new relationship, too hot too soon is no good;
- Spend time with people you care about;
- Remember, when ghosting happens it’s all about them, not about you;
- Don’t intoxicate your life with the internet;
- If you are in a relationship try to find your own dynamic and your attachment style;
- Keep your relationships alive and rich, use phone calls instead of instant messages to nurture them;
- Don’t allow ghosting to become a social norm, apologize but move on;
- If your partner is avoidant but wants to move on with you, seek professional help or read as much as you can about avoidant attachment style. We can all have a secure relationship;
- The last but not the least, remember your worth and how beautiful you are.
With love,
Alexandra Santos
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