This music from Adele always makes me think how much people really try to nurture their intimate relationships. How far they know their’s partners’ needs. How much they communicate with each other adequately. Love died, or hidden internal issues and wounds are getting on the way? What connection and intimacy assumptions were built over time? Truly, this song can be a great moment for self-reflection. 

Rare are the relationships where the couple speaks the same language. Or those who bravely navigate with wisdom the turbulent waters of emotional inadequacy. It’s easier, without judgment, to give up and find a more “attractive flame”. 

Recently someone asked if I’m willing to date again. My answer was no, one honest no. My focus now is on my academic journey and building a better life after finishing it. I know I don’t have attachment issues, and it is easier to connect with someone else. But would it be fair to start a relationship knowing that I am rebuilding my entire life? Honestly, I didn’t have experiences in the past showing the contrary. They were great examples to make me remain single now and enjoy this season of life. My lesson was while going through major life changes. People may walk away from your life when you need it the most, which doesn’t necessarily make them bad people but makes you wiser about selection and timing.

Self-love isn’t the cure for all ailments. Dealing with another person requires maturity and having at least all drawers in the right place. 

With love,

Alexandra

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12 comentários

  1. I never looked at love like it is selection. Why? Because, sometimes it sneaks up on you. I see some “looking for love”, though these are the sorts too desperate for someone else to remedy their wounds. However, that level of desperation ends up with further hurt. You end up believing a person should be a bandage for you, to cover your history. This further hurt is then a mere reminder to what truth, of the person, that they are ignoring.

    I disagree with the entire logic that we should “focus on ourselves, before seeking a relationship”. While it’s true that we perhaps need to know ourselves so that we can express our limits and vulnerabilities to another, it’s also true that what we need is also something we most neglect.

    Am I saying we should all enter into sexual, physical relationships? No, I am not. Because, intimacy involves the most trust. We end up weaker, when that becomes promoted, by its sheerness.

    Yes, love does happen to sneak up on us. As it is as strong as death, we never saw either coming. We didn’t see the life we are leaving behind ever ending. That is love. That is death. Both love and death are the ending of life, the one that we are leaving behind for something far more peaceful.

    What we need most of all is sometimes something we cannot actively search for. Instead, it finds us. And when it does, when love finds us, we are possessed by it. We scream when it is gone. And sometimes we want the other most powerful thing when love is gone, being death.

    Saying “no” to everyone we meet, in the fear that they’ll become closer than comfortable for us cannot be growth. I truly believe that epitomizes confinement.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I do respect it, and I’m not trying to force something onto you.

        If you left something totally unhealthy, then that did require a lot of courage. Some others cling, because they want some kind of validation. It’s good of you to deserve something better, if that’s the case.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. For me, a relationship requires daily work and contextualization. With contextualization, we can understand our partner’s behaviors and journey. However, I am the first to say that sometimes we need to stop and remove ourselves from places we are not welcome to stay. Vetting someone is necessary, mostly because you may meet someone outside your town or country.

        About the unhealthy dynamics, sometimes you end up with people who down the road make you look like the unhealthy one. When in reality, their insecurities and incapacity to trust tear you apart.

        Wishing you a lovely evening! 🙂

        P.s You are always welcome to leave here your ideas 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You touch upon something here. It is not all about self love that drives the attraction of cupids arrow. There is also a degree of independence present in the manifestation of loves oftentimes chaotic embrace. When we are sure of our grounding, that is when the attraction takes place. Thank you Alexandra for sharing. Enjoy the journey, it builds a lifetime of stories.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is actually self-observation that transforms into self-love.

    And that skill of observing oneself extends to observing, analysing and understanding the other people around.

    And with that understanding, comes maturity to deal with them in times of great need.

    And such times fill our lives with nuggets of experiences as gems locked in the treasure box of our memories.

    And finally, such memories cast and recast our character throughout our life, in a way of innate change that is inherent in all of us as a slow but steady evolution of the psyche.

    Liked by 2 people

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