Any justification to our behavior we are just limiting ourselves we our growth.
The end of 2021 brought back to the table something that I was expecting to happen. For some reasons that I can’t describe, my intuition was constantly whispering in my ear that my ex-partner would reappear to obtain closure. We exchanged emails, and I can tell how liberating it was even for me.
Sometimes couples are good for each other, but as Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe pointed out in their findings, life-changing stressful events can break a relationship, and stress can have a more powerful negative effect in men than in women.
Dating for me was always something to take seriously and proceed with intentionality. Essentially, when looking for a life partner, not for a prom date. We should look for emotional stability, loyalty, the ability to make hard decisions, and compromise with growth in a man or woman. It was, however, a difficult task not because good men don’t exist but because of lust and superficial attributes such as looks, height, etc. My questions weren’t if I would live a fairytale/love story with someone. But if that someone could assist me during a health breakdown or show up to our kids parent-teacher conference. Perhaps it does sound too serious or heavy, but believe me, if you are looking for a life partner, those are the traits that should serve as a guide for your search.
You may have shared interests. You may feel limerence when with them. But when dating with intentionality, priorities are reliability and stability. And no dating app or social media can provide you that. Awareness and sovereignty are the necessary requisites to achieve your goal.
He contacted me after two years of our breakup, and this time, we had the chance to clarify what went wrong. We do have a beautiful attachment. But the best gift of love I could give to him was to let him go but not without knowing first how much I care about him and that I will always be a secure base in times of need. Of course, I still have feelings for him, and although I would be willing to build a relationship from scratch with him, he is still searching for his calling and place in this world. Under those circumstances, I’m not sure how it would turn out.
My duty is, with some distance, to see him spread his wings and fly. No, no poetry in these words, only humanity and true love. As I mentioned to him, he is not my ex. He is the man who possesses a chair in my arena next to my loved ones, and he will be here (my heart) till the day I disappear from this world.
Shall we love other people? Absolutely, with time! But I always recommend dating with intentionality and not only based on mutual interests or looks. I don’t recommend jumping into another long-term relationship while having a divorce. I don’t care what society thinks about it, what I know from life and professional experience. Is that if you jump into another relationship without processing your emotions. You are misleading yourself and sadly involving another human being in unnecessary heartbreak. Plus, publicizing your new relationship on social media while going through a divorce should be the motto to the following reflection: Why the hell do I need to share on social media my new “marital status”?
You can ask me: Alexandra are you dating? My answer is no, and honestly, I am really thinking about independent motherhood, something I’ve been considering since 29 as I have my eggs preserved, but life took me in another direction.
Be free, be you!