The Neurology Behind Breaking Up And Healthy Relationships

In today’s article, as promised, I will conclude my previous post explaining the relationships between hormones and how they help us to sustain our intimate relationships.
If you want to forge strong bonds with your partner, dopamine and oxytocin have to be present. Why? Dopamine is the hormone responsible for rewards, and oxytocin called the love hormone is responsible for bonding and fidelity.

The question is, why it’s hard for some people to sustain and have healthy relationships and for others so easy? What’s the role of cell phones and phone apps with the relationship dissatisfactions? The answer is simple when it comes to dopamine production, or other hormone-related to happiness, the truth is, partners can’t compete, against cell phone stimulation. The same rule applies to children. Sadly, parents and even the educational system aren’t structured to give to children or young people brain the necessary stimulus, that allows dopamine production.

The dopamine connection explains why smartphone addiction is on the rise generally, but why are kids more at risk than anyone else? It turns out that teen brains are special. You have probably heard that a person’s brain is not fully developed before they reach their twenties. At the stage of development that a teenager’s brain is in, it is especially responsive to dopamine. 

Because of the teen brain’s sensitivity to dopamine, they’re more likely to act impulsively and rationalize the benefits of an action while ignoring the consequence. A teen’s brain picks up on patterns faster than an adult brain, especially when there’s a positive reward associated with that pattern – like a burst of dopamine. That means that a teen can develop an addiction to something like a smartphone much more quickly, and it’s harder for them to shake that addiction later. 

But returning to intimate relationships why this fake production of dopamine leads to breakups and unhealthy relationships?

1. They ignore you
2. They’re distracted
3. They’re easily bored because there is no constantly stimulation
4. They have anxiety
5. You feel rejected
6. Your sex life is suffering, some people have even admitted to checking their phone while having sex with their partner.
7. They use their cell phones as a refuge when its time to talk about serious subjects.

As you can see its the same principle behind gambling, and that’s why this addiction as many others can lead to breakups when it comes to intimate relationships.

Right now, we are living in this stupid period of existence where you go out with your partner or friends, and they are constantly checking their cell phones. We are living this mediocre period where women use their children to obtain followers on Instagram, and at the end of the line, creating little narcissist future adults. There are plenty of ways if you want to be a real influencer, one of them, or most important, is to be yourself and live your life.

You can ask me: Alexandra, you don’t use your cell phone? I do yes, but to be honest, more are the days I forgot it at home than the days I have it with me.
I take pictures, and I have social media, but I don’t prioritize it over my relationships. My partner or even my family will never say to me I’m spending too much time on my cell phone. I can recall some situations where I felt angry because of my partner’s behavior. Most people don’t realize how disrespectful it is an act of checking the phone while they are with people who love them.

To give you one idea, compulsive use of dating apps can change your focus to short-term hookups instead of developing long-term relationships. And this behavior has a direct correlation with dopamine and other hormones. People now are seeking fast validation and fast love creating poor connections.

Check this article to understand more about this:

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/cell-phone-addiction

To conclude my article, I would like to ask you to look after your behavior, but most importantly, be sure you are feeding your relationships. To those who are in long-distance relationships, it can work out even if you depend on technology to see and talk with your lover. What makes one relationship flourish is how you feed it, your investment level, and the quality times you spend with your lover.

I belong to the last generation of people who grew up without a cell phone, and in my case, it was so good and so much healthier. For that reason, we have the responsibility to teach our children and lead them to a better place. The same applies to our relationships.

Don’t fuck up your life and those who love you.

With love,

Alexandra